rebeekah

i've moved!

2007-01-02T13:43:00.000-08:00

a new year, a new rebeekah... :)

happy Christmas!

2006-12-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

how is it that i've allowed over one month to pass since writing? i had to write a short post since today is Christmas Day and all! happy Christmas!

Elisabeth is more precious than ever, pushing ten pounds and smiling practically nonstop. although she looks like a little fawn in the headlights, here is a photo from last night:

doug and i both ADORE that cute outfit--given to sweet Elisabeth by none other than sweet Jennie! i wish you could see the entire thing: it's a long-sleeved, long pants onesie with a little pocket in the middle (like on a hooded sweatshirt). PRE-CIOUS.

i love this one of her in her pretty Christmas dress yesterday morning before church. her great grandma--doug's grandma--had not seen her since early september!!

yes, surely this Christmas was more special and blessed for us than ever before...for baby's first Christmas. :) may the Lord richly bless YOU and your families at this time and in the coming year!

I'm a 43

2006-11-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

Below is a little test I received in an email from a coworker.
I don't usually take the time to do these, but I like this one!

Try it and tell me what you get. :)

This supposedly is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. (Dr. Phil did this test on Oprah - he got a 55, she got a 38.) The test seems pretty accurate, and it only takes 2 minutes. Don't peek at the end!

Answers are for who you are NOW --- not who you were in the past. It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question.

Ready? Set...GO! :)

1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with...
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) you r legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are...
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points...

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

WELL?... :)

Fake-Cryer

2006-11-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't meet the goal of posting the "same hat...same baby" photo, but here's one I snapped last Thursday night.

Can you believe she was actually "crying" when I took this? Yes, my sweet little bitty baby already knows how to fake cry. Who teaches them these things? :)

EDIT: Wow--after publishing the post, I couldn't help but notice MY profile pic and how closely these two photos resemble each other!! Pretty cute!! :)

Three Posts in One Day

2006-11-10T13:23:00.000-08:00

My favourite type of tree during my favourite season.

listening to lettuce

2006-11-10T12:15:00.000-08:00

anyone know how to post an audio clip?? (wave sound file)

i've looked at blogger's help but have only been able to find information on audioblogging. i'm not interested in that...i just REALLY want to share with you all a phone message i had waiting on me when i got back from lunch today. (WRONG NUMBER.) at first i thought my sister was pranking me.

let me just say it's from the "local grocer" and involves my lettuce order.

Toonces, the driving...DOG?

2006-11-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

Did you ever see the SNL skit about Toonces, the driving cat? My favourites are the ones with Steve Martin and Victoria Jackson.

Well, apparently China's inhabitants are doing more than eating their dogs these days. You've been replaced, Toonces!

i couldn't believe my ears

2006-11-09T07:50:00.000-08:00

1) “So, tell me all the details--like, when you had the baby, was it just like, ‘oh my gosh, i don’t have a baby inside me anymore?’”

This was loudly gushed from a girl i hardly know who somehow made her way into the neonatal ICU (with two church friends of ours) where Elisabeth was staying. It didn’t help that the girl was very pregnant, and i was still dealing with feelings of depression from, among other things, never “looking” pregnant…not to mention all the emotions that went along with all I had been experiencing with Elisabeth in the hospital for weeks and weeks. Oh, and after I had been tormented (believe me, this question was only one of MANY), she moved her way over to ANOTHER MOTHER of a baby in the ICU. This, my friends, is why the rule “only two visitors at a time are allowed” was made. (And in this instance, I—or the nurses, hello?—definitely should have enforced it.) You know how sometimes you think you may have been rude to someone, but you probably really weren’t? Well, I wish I would’ve had the guts to be even ruder.

2) “So, was that hard? With her being in the hospital and all?”

UNBELIEVABLE.

3) “Have you bonded?” (Asked in a real sickly sweet kind of way.)

UNREAL.

These two questions came almost back-to-back out of the mouth of a nice, but extremely flaky woman I know. Let me set the scene so you’ll have a better picture: these questions were asked while standing over Elisabeth in her crib at home (she had been home a week and a half or so). Please keep in mind she was in the hospital for FORTY-EIGHT DAYS. No, no—that wasn’t hard AT ALL. Wow. And as far as how to answer this next question—I’m just speechless. I understand some women have trouble feeling close to their babies, but you show me ANY parent of a premature baby who has stayed in an ICU for seven weeks that doesn’t feel like every fiber of their being is woven and attached to every tiny part of that baby…I can’t imagine. (By the way, I hate the word “bonded,” I’m pretty sure.)

4) “Well, how much is she weighing these days?”
(I give the current weight.)
“Oh my, well you know, [Junior] was never THAT small—I mean, he came out weighing BLAH BLAH BLAH.”

I cannot beLIEVE or begin to count the number of times I’ve heard this. Tell me, how in the world is it at all comforting OR even remotely funny to tell me Junior’s birth weight when my little baby was born ten weeks early weighing roughly the size of a half a sack of sugar? I am extremely proud of every OUNCE she weighs now, even if it is only a small newborn size and she’s almost four months old. (She’s seven pounds, five ounces, by the way.) :)

Okay, enough meanness for now. I'm sure everyone means well.

Same Hat

2006-11-07T14:23:00.000-08:00

Could she BE any cuter??

This was taken almost exactly two months ago by her Poppa. Tomorrow (okay, let's be serious--some time this week) I'm going to post a photo of her in how she looks in this hat NOW... :)

2006-11-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

Squealing Baby
Every so often, little squeals of joy or exclamation will burst out of her, and her cuteness overWHELMS me. I need to get out the dang camera and start taking some PHOTOS of her, for heaven's sake--as well as some video so maybe you can share with me in the happiness this baby girl brings to all around her.

I suppose I have turned into one of those parents. Oh well. :)

The Boob Tube
Last night Doug and I missed Lost. We were so disappointed!! I was especially mad when my eyes accidentally fell across an article today and read that _ _ _ died! (For those who watch the show and somehow missed the episode and don't WANT to know, you are welcome.) I will NOT miss, however, The Office tonight. I can hardly wait. Doug and I find ourselves literally in tears due to laughing so hard. We've simply got to buy up all the available episodes of this genius show. When I first learned there was going to be an "American" version of The Office, I thought--no, there's no way it can even come close to being as funny as the BBC version...but oh, you just wait. Just WATCH. LOVE.IT.

Going Home
No, this section is not about heaven. I've written just a wee bit here, mostly wanting to fill up space and time. 1) I didn't want the R.L. comment (see below) to be at the top of my blog anymore and 2) it's time to go home!

one more reason why i can't stand rush limbaugh

2006-10-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

could he get any worse than this?

hello.

2006-10-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

Back to work.
Today was my first day back to work after being gone for six weeks.

Back to excel spreadsheets and numbers upon numbers that will probably never amount to anything...okay, sorry for the negativity. You can imagine my being a bit down upon having to leave this precious face this morning:

Although I was up for one crazy feeding last night with that little darling from 1 until almost 4 in the morning, I was really not nearly as tired at work as I expected I would be.

Maybe tomorrow will be even easier. Here's hoping.

Side Note:
I'm pretty sure I've confessed in the past (indirectly, at least) that one of the main reasons I have not written in so long is because I am such a perfectionist. Because I was regrettably not an English major, I realise how imperfect my grammar and writing skills are...and that fact makes me SHUDDER on a regular basis. (Rachel, if you are reading, please be merciful.) :)

Being a mother.
Being a mother is literally a dream come true for me. Although I find myself at wit's end more often than not (see above example of a semi-regular feeding session), each time I look at MY baby's face (am I really a mother?) or hold that little bundle close to me, the joy is more than my heart can hold. I'm more grateful than I could begin to put into words.

Dealing.
Many thoughts and emotions have remained untouched by me since May or earlier. I don't know why I haven't been dealing with the events in my life in a healthy manner; I suppose the primary reason may be because many of those events have been pretty traumatic and/or mostly negative. The number one way I usually deal with things is through writing--usually in my own personal pretty-on-the-outside-dirty-on-the-in journal--and I have done almost ZERO of that all year. In addition to the reason stated above for my lack of public writing, I would have to say I also hold WAY too much fear...fear of being judged, not liked, you name it. Just call me paranoid patty. (What?? Okay, it is nearing midnight, and i should be FAST ASLEEP since she is...)

Okay, on that note. :)

Thanks, cyberfriends, for sticking with me. You're the best.

writing

2006-08-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

dear friends and strangers,

i cannot believe almost four months have passed since i've written anything here. to be quite honest, i have not really written much anywhere else, either (journal, baby journal, etc.).

as most of you know, i am now a MOM. (with 100 exclamation marks)
though i had great intentions to post and post and post once she was born, having a baby ten weeks early is more than a challenge, to say the least.

in an attempt to start writing again (and in an effort to meet other nicu-neonatal intensive care unit-parents and read about their stories and babies), i have written a little on this site. there are also a few pictures, as well!

i give thanks to my loving Lord Who has truly answered every prayer, even (and especially) the ones i forgot to say.

honest, harsh

2006-04-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

i can’t wait to get away, can’t wait to get out of here.
discontent? yes.
disgruntled? yes.
disgusted? yes.

------------------------------------

and i just had to delete the rest.
i've been walking around with a 500lb. weight of guilt and remorse for my horrible words.

i was so overwhelmed by all of your words of comfort and encouragement--thank you.

but truly, i think i was WAY OVERLY dramatic--exaggerating to the umpteenth degree. they really are not that bad. i was childish and immature (and RUDE) to ever speak of them that way.

and guess what? the day after i posted all that junk, my boss (the most wonderful boss in the whole world) surprised me with some gorgeous flowers, an incredibly kind card, and a promise to take me and his other secretary out to lunch soon. i was also floored at his spoken words (as he has said similarly in the past),

"i don't know where i would be without you."

and could my heart melt any more? and could i simultaneously feel any more terrible for the cruel things i had just written about others?

i've read/heard that "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond." well, i'm learning. thank you for being with me on this journey.

LOVE from rebekah.

wisdom and dumping

2006-04-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

i need wisdom.

james 1.5-8 says,

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to
all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks,
he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the
sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will
receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all
he does.

i must believe and not doubt when asking for it. i very well may be the most doubt-filled person i know, so this seems near impossible for me. but if i really need wisdom (or even really want it), i know what i have to do for it. and should i not want to believe and not doubt for reasons beyond what that will get me? how can i look back at the ways God Himself has provided for me and protected me—has LOVED me—all my life and not believe and not doubt? (yes, there are a few double negatives in there.)

He is faithful and always has been faithful; He will remain faithful still. my heart knows this—so maybe my head is the problem? thoughts, thoughts, trying to plan, trying to work out problems, both in the present and those i foresee…even trying while i sleep. where is the line between planning (perhaps i should add worrying—i.e. doubting) and trusting? when day care alone will cost (a minimum?!) of $300/month, 25% of our working income which is definitely already being used on rent and bills and just plain living…what am i supposed to think, feel, say, do? doug’s a full-time student and works. i am working full-time so he can be a student. i can’t very well get a second job before or after the baby’s born—and doug can’t, either. (and yet here i am dreaming of working only half-time, or even more, not at ALL, so i can be with our BABY rather than sit staring at a blank wall most of the day.)

so i (we) need wisdom. should we maneuver our way into uncle sam’s house (apartment, rather) and eat his food, or somehow hope for a money tree to sprout in the back yard of our rent home (where we’ve only lived for five months, i might add)? we may have no other choice but to throw in the towel and move—once again. (even then, i wonder, will we have enough to make it?) at this point, i don’t even know if we’re eligible for the whole free or semi-free deal (yes, that’s right—we might make “TOO MUCH” money…and if you do a quick calculation based on the day care cost/percentage above, you’ll see just how much that is)…so the first move should be to securely determine what our options are, and then go forward.

many of those i’ve dumped on about this have said something along the lines of, “oh, you’ll make it” or “you’ll be fine,” or my favourite, “everything will work out.” i’m sure they’re right. i mean, just a few months ago i definitely agreed with them and even sounded like them. the reason i’m feeling this way now, i suppose, is because NOW is the time we’re having to make decisions for later. (for example, doug had pre-registration yesterday; will he take a full load in the fall or just those necessary classes only offered fall of even years? he went ahead and asked to be put in everything—he can always drop if needed.)

that’s all the dumping i’ll do for now. thank you for mucking through my moans and groans. ridiculous, but just what’s on my heart and planning (worrying) mind. here’s to believing and not doubting. i’m off to strive for it. :)

haven't posted in a CENTURY

2006-04-03T12:58:00.000-07:00

doug and i ate at el mariachi’s for lunch today. it’s this small, authentic place in town with doug’s favourite salsa in the whole world—and i love everything i’ve ever had there! today we split the “super chunk grande burrito.” (who can beat a scrumptious lunch for 2 for less than $6?!) among beans and rice, sour cream and guacamole, the burrito contains the most delicious chunks of meat you’ve ever had—kind of almost like mom’s roast that’s been cooking all morning during church. (you know what i mean.) i know that may sound weird to have in a burrito, but mmm MMHM, it’s so good! :)

my next appointment with the doctor is next Thursday.

but do you know what this Thursday is?
Doug’s BIRTHDAY!! :) i cannot believe this will be the eighth birthday i will get to celebrate with him. we’re going to have a joint party for him and a friend, drake, at our house this weekend; it should be a lot of fun! doug’s going to grill his world-famous chicken…yummy! i think he’s so cute to want to grill at his own party—but he wouldn’t have it any other way!

i guess this little post was mainly about food and doug. two of my favourites!! :)

disturbing

2006-03-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

completely unmotivated and dreaming of being a better wife (i.e. actually making dinner more than ONCE A YEAR...what was that about complaining about no kitchen in the basement? have i even USED our kitchen since we moved into the new house???)...

anyway, so i was looking at food network and since i love italian (yes, pizza is included in this category, no?) AND it's almost time for dinner, i was drooling at this pizza dough recipe:

Basic Pizza Dough
Recipe courtesy Emeril Lagasse, 2004
Show:
Emeril Live
Episode:
Pizza with Pizzaz

1 cup warm water (105 to 115 degrees F)
1 (1/4-ounce) envelope active dry yeast
1 teaspoon honey
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
Yellow cornmeal, for sprinkling the baking sheet

In a large bowl, combine the water, yeast, honey, and 1 tablespoon of the olive oil, stirring to combine. Let sit until the mixture is foamy, about 5 minutes.

Add 1 1/2 cups of the flour and the salt, mixing by hand until it is all incorporated and the mixture is smooth. Continue adding the flour, 1/4 cup at a time, working the dough after each addition, until the dough is smooth but still slightly sticky. You might not need all of the flour. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until the dough is smooth but still slightly tacky, 3 to 5 minutes.

Oil a large mixing bowl with remaining olive oil. Place the dough in the bowl, turning to coat with the oil. Cover with plastic wrap and set in a warm place, free from drafts until doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours.

Variations:
Parmesan Pizza Dough: Substitute 2 3/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese for 3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour. Use a pinch of salt instead of 1 teaspoon. Proceed as directed above.
Oregano Pizza Dough: Stir 2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano in with the flour and proceed as directed above.

and then i decided to read the guest reviews. most of them were something like this, "this is the best pizza dough i've ever tried to make. it's so simple and just like it's namesake for the recipe, basic. super easy to make. i will never order take out pizza or order delivery again because of this pizza dough recipe. thanks emeril and food network!"

but then i read this one:
"His pizza dough was very yummy, however it smelled like something crawled in it and died and also it reminded me of my child hood days when i would crawl in the toilet and eat the brown worms inside(we aren't trying to be mean). but over all it sure was good."

WHAT?! this is so disgusting and disturbing!! please tell me that you do NOT understand this any more than i do.

A) crawling INTO a toilet???

B) the "brown worms" and what this individual did with them.

C) "we aren't trying to be mean."

(perhaps the plural pronoun explains it all. i am legion?...)

maybe i'm not so hungry for dinner after all. :(

possible names :)

2006-03-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

if a girl:

name/origin/ meaning

grace/latin/(grace) --this will be the middle name (same as me) :)

fiona/celtic/white, fair

leta/latin/glad, joyful --NOT after dooce's daughter, but after my dear great aunt leta :)

lydia/greek/beauty

olivia/greek/(from olive tree)

julia/latin/youthful

elizabeth/hebrew/God's oath, the promise of God --new fav...big family name! :)

if a boy, we're pretty set on:

name/origin/meaning

charles/german/strong --doug's dad's 1st name, my dad's middle name

spencer/english/keeper, provider --we would call him spencer (my maiden name)

P.S. ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO A CHART?!?! I TRIED TO PASTE MINE, BUT OF COURSE IT DIDN'T WORK...HENCE THE DIAGONAL LINES INSTEAD.

FUN! :)

2006-03-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

Go to your page and list the last fifteen people who have commented you. If someone has commented twice, skip to the next new commenter.

Mary Beth
Wendy
Kathy
Jennie
Cecilia
Julie
Suz
Stephanie
Stacy
Mom
Mary
Dana
Myles
Suzanne
Susan

Have you ever kissed 4? only on the cheek. :)

What's the best memory you have of 10? This question is way too hard to answer, and that’s because almost every memory my Mom and I make together is my favourite. Most of the best memories of my life have her in them.

Why are you friends with 9? Stacy and I know each other because she’s part of one of the best families that has ever been!! She is so sweet and thoughtful, and though we don’t know each other that well, I always feel comfortable around her. Her eyes are always so shiny and bright, and I can always tell she’s genuinely interested in what I’m saying.

When's the next time you're gonna see 6? April 29th, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Tell something juicy about number 15: I’m not sure if it’s “juicy,” but one time at the end of a (college) school year, Susan sat up on the bathroom counter in shorts and a green t-shirt and washed her feet with Pantene. My Mom was there helping us move out, and she thought it was so funny that she captured the moment on film. I love that picture!!

What do you like about 8? I LOVE Stephanie’s smile and laugh, her good humor, and her writing!! I’m so glad to have met her and become friends through bunco.

Is number 1 attractive? She is SO beautiful; I adore my sister-in-law in every way.

What was your first impression of 7? I have no idea—that was seriously almost fifteen years ago!! But I probably thought something like, “she is so sweet and shy.” :)

How did you meet 3? We lived in the same dorm together for two years (I think?) during college. :) I’m so glad we met so many years ago!

Do you think 13 could kill someone? Who knows what any of us are really capable of, but I would have to say no, I definitely do not think Myles could kill someone. He is so peaceable and loving.

Is 11 your best friend? No, I’ve sadly not really ever met Mary, but I think she’s wonderful and would make a great friend!!

Do you think 2 has a crush on you? Uh, that answer would be NO.

Who do you spend the most time with? Out of this list? 10. Also 4 and 1, but we don’t get to see each other nearly as often as I wish.

What is the last thing you did with #1? Spent several days at Christmas together…that was way too long ago!!

Have you ever been to 3's house? Yes, I’ve been to her beautiful home!

Would you ever kiss 5? again, only on the cheek. :)

How do you know 4? I know her because God is good. We met at college (the festival of cheesemas) :) in the fall of 1995, and we’ve been friends ever since. My life would not come close to being the same without her in it.

Have you ever slept with 5? Definitely not. I did have the wonderful opportunity with 4 to STAY at Cecilia’s home, though, last summer.

Do you think 6 is sexy? Absolutely!! :)

Have you ever liked 7? Of course, I like—even love—Suz. Not in any weird way, though.

Where is the last place you went with 8? To bunco!! :)

Are you real close to 9? No, we are not that close. But see the third question—I like her a lot!

What kind of relationship do you have with 10? The best there is. She is one of my best friends—(mostly!) always has been and definitely always will be. I love her more than I could ever express, verbally or otherwise. I’m so thankful for her and our relationship!!

Have you ever kissed 11? These questions are somewhat repetitive, aren’t they? No. Seeing as how I have never met Mary, no, I have never kissed her. :)

Have you ever been to the movies with 12? No, but I hope that changes soon!! I would love to go see a movie with Dana! :)

Have you ever gotten in trouble with 13? Hmm…not that I can remember. Did we ever get in trouble with obu safety, i wonder, for our little group’s crazy shenanigans? Maybe so, but I just remember always having so much fun when precious Myles was around. :)

Would you ever make a move on 14? No…since I’m married, and Suzanne’s in Germany…no. (Just KIDDING!! I wouldn’t consider it!! Unless “make a move” translates giving a big hug!!) :)

What do you and 15 talk about the most? Well, sadly we have not actually talk talked in YEARS!! We e-mail/im a little here and there…but I have a feeling I might be doing a lot more of that soon—and that the subject matter will be babies!! I believe she JUST gave birth to her and her husband’s son, and I will want to hear all about it (and also swap stories once it happens to me in September)!! :)

fruitcake lady

2006-03-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

okay, i'm still working on my thoughts about the concert, but until then...

PLEASE do yourself a favour: for some hearty laughs, GO HERE immediately.

this is maybe one of the funniest things i've ever seen. (has anyone heard of her?)

mission accomplished

2006-02-24T12:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Volume Controller,

For some time now, you have been getting into my computer when I’m away from my desk. I do not know why, but you have been opening up my volume control and clicking the mute box on the Wave column so that I don’t automatically know the volume is muted when looking down at the taskbar. Many times I attempt to hear something and don’t understand why I can’t…and then I check, and sure enough, you have been to visit my computer once again.

Yes, I do happen to listen to music, though not nearly as often as I would like. Since this horrible violation began, I’ve gotten your little “hint” and when I DO listen, I listen very quietly. That is why I’m perplexed about why you continue to secretly mute my volume—there’s no way you or anyone else could possibly hear my softly playing music. I do not share an office with anyone! WHO ARE YOU?!

There was a time (and even now I realize I’m questioning myself) when I thought I was losing my mind. Checking the volume has become quite an obsession for me—so I know I’m not the one accidentally muting it or anything. And there’s no way the computer is just doing this on its own. I have tried to remember to lock my computer every time I get up—to go to the bathroom, to walk down the hall, whatever—but I suppose I forgot at one point today: I KNOW the volume was normal this morning, and now upon returning from lunch…BAM! Mission secret mute accomplished.

Please stop. You are driving me bonkers. I can’t imagine how I’m driving you bonkers—the music is so low. And besides, I have great taste, if I don’t say so myself. Give it a break, Ms. Volume Controller! This is quite a little game you have going on, but I never asked to play.

Sincerely,

Your music loving coworker.

my ai5 picks

2006-02-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

Girls

1. Katharine McPhee
2. Mandisa
3. Paris Bennett
4. Lisa Tucker
5. Ayla Brown
6. Kellie Pickler (i like her story, and she seems genuinely nice.)

Boys

1. Taylor Hicks
2. Ace Young
3. Chris Daughtry
4. Elliott Yamin
5. David Radford (toss-up between him and Will Makar)
6. Kevin Covais

Are you watching the show? Who are your favourites? :)

jealousy. (a little private.)

2006-02-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

i have a major problem with jealousy. not sure how or when it began, but i would venture to say it’s been with me most of my life. one of my “pet” sins, i guess.

i’m jealous of other persons’ looks, talents, jobs, money, even their babies.

twenty days ago, when i found out i was pregnant, i fought with myself and God in the first few 48 or so hours. knowing He is love, truth, sovereign, just, holy—knowing His character—i should have never allowed myself to think such theologically askew thoughts…but my very weak mind and heart, oh so lacking in trust and faith, did just so. you see, for the past several YEARS, i have been strangling myself with a nasty, twisted jealous weed…sometimes because of complete strangers. for often times, whenever i looked upon (or sometimes even heard about) a couple with a new baby, i became absolutely GREEN with envy.

why them? why does SHE get to have a baby—she’s six (or four or ten, whatever the case may be) years younger than me!! whine, whine, gripe, gripe, JEALOUS, JEALOUS. (gross, gross.)

and so when i found out that i was going to join the ranks of those i had viciously eyeballed for the past five or more years, i pictured the Lord (how could i?) as an in-your-face kind of god saying, “you’ve been jealous for so long. you think you want a baby so bad? well, then, fine—here you go!” almost a ha-ha-i-told-you-so god. and that’s not Him. no, not at all.

i’m not sure why i’ve allowed myself to nurse such a disease. or how i will be cured from it. (other than the obvious, although will that do it?) i only know that i cannot allow this root to grow any deeper. i won’t even begin to address my jealousy problem in relationships. RIDICULOUS.

i’ve heard the way to get rid of jealousy is to be thankful. though those don’t exactly seem like polar opposites, i’m sure being more thankful can do nothing but good.

so here goes. (for now.)

i’m thankful for the air i’m breathing right this very minute. for the baby inside me—and that i can call him a baby. not an embryo or even a fetus, but a baby. he has hands and feet, arms and legs, a brain and eyes and ears and a HEART. and even though i can’t see him, thank You. i’m thankful for Doug and his covenant with me and You, that he’s sticking with me and not giving up on anything. he is so beautiful and loyal. how i’m thankful for my father and mother and sisters; i cannot imagine life without them, and so i thank You for their health and their love for You. i give thanks for all my relatives, both living and dead. for my second family i’m so grateful, and for how they’ve taken me in as their very own even before i married their son and brother. i’m thankful for my local church who puts people first and whose passion is to glorify You. that’s lived out in the services and the wonderful small groups i’m in; i give deep thanks for those precious persons. i’m thankful for this job You have given me that provides the means for Doug to go to school. i know there is more for me in life than this job, and that causes me to feel even more gratitude. thank You.

a few things rattlin in the noggin

2006-02-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

i don’t have any daily reminders that i’m pregnant. the weirdest thing about the fact that there is a life growing in me is that i can’t see anything that’s happening. i can read about the changes that might be going on, but how i wish i could peek in every day—sometimes every hour—just to see him. to marvel at his newly formed eyelids. to watch as his outer ears form. to hear his little heart compete with the sound of galloping horses.

as much as i hate throwing up, sometimes i wish i would—just once—so i can feel like things are progressing normally. (weird, i know.) yesterday morning i felt a little wobbly (kind of like i was carsick), but it wasn’t that bad. really, if that’s as bad as it gets (and everything’s fine inside), then wonderful! i can’t express how affirming the ultrasound/doctor visit was…maybe that’s part of the reason they require monthly visits. :)

i’ve GOT to do a better job with my diet—i know i’m desperately lacking in that area. i’ve been doing an okay job of not having caffeine (i.e. COKE), so i guess i’m not failing entirely. :)

jennie’s wedding is only a little over two months from now…i can hardly believe it! i can’t wait for her beautiful wedding; being involved in it is the biggest honour of my life. she is so close to perfect, i can’t even tell you. (and no, i’m not in love with her—it only SOUNDS like it!!) :)

i am so excited (there are no words)—for this weekend, yes, this very weekend, my friends, i will be going to houston to see my family…and COLPLAY!!!!!! i bought the tickets for me and my sister about six months ago, so i cannot believe the time is finally here. new kids on the block aside (in the very early nineties), i have not been to such a big name concert. keeping in mind that next to waterdeep (who will always hold first place) coldplay is my favourite, you can imagine how i’m bursting out of my skin. (sarah, too.) YES!!! a post-concert update will definitely be written.

eight weeks and counting

2006-02-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

so today i would like to announce to those of you who do not already know,

I AM WITH CHILD!!
(no, that is DEFinitely NOT me in my profile picture...just a cute pregnant woman.)

i’ve been walking around the past twelve days with the knowledge that a life is growing inside me, and i cannot begin to express my thoughts or feelings. perhaps doug and i should have waited to tell the whole world until later…but how could we have kept secret such news?

my whole life i have desired to be a mother. actually, the only three things i’ve ever really wanted to do in life are to be able to sing (to, for and about Him), be a wife and a mother. now that the time is here—so unexpectedly, i might add—I find myself saying often, “are You sure, Lord?” because we are so unprepared financially, doug and i struggle almost hourly with trusting the One Who has allowed and obviously played a part in this great miracle to also be the One Who will provide. His Name is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord Who Provides, indeed. the faith part comes in, I suppose, because we have no idea HOW He will do that…(doug is still in school, i work so he can GO to school, blah blah blah…) Nothing is impossible with Him, though! Nothing!

worries and fears aside, i’m excited out of my MIND. i’ve been reading all i can get my hands on, and i’ve really learned a lot about the different stages of growth. This week he (or she, as doug might say) :)
“is now 5/8 of an inch long, about the size of a kidney bean. He's constantly moving and shifting, although I won't be able to feel these womb wiggles for several weeks yet. His embryonic tail is disappearing (GOOD!), and his eyelids practically cover his eyes. Still slightly webbed, his fingers and toes are growing longer. His arms have lengthened, too, and his hands are now flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart. His knee joints have formed, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. With his trunk straightening out, his head is more erect. Breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs. The nerve cells in his brain are also branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways.” (compliments of www.babycenter.com)

can you even believe the miracle of a child living and growing inside his mother? as a friend recently wrote me (speaking of the moment her child was born), “the second i heard him cry i just about lost it. it makes me really wonder how people can not believe in God.”

that’s exactly how i felt when i heard my own child’s heartbeat last week. as tiny as he is, i actually saw the little one on the (ultrasound) screen and witnessed his miniscule heart pump, pump, pump just as fast as it could. then the nurse turned up the volume (i suppose), and i heard the 145 beats/minute heartbeat that shook my ears and entire being. never before, i do not think, have i burst into tears in quite the same way. no sooner had her hand touched the dial did i immediately beg to hear that miraculous, beloved sound again.

eight weeks into this adventure and counting. the due date is around September 20th.

For Jennie

2006-01-10T11:51:00.000-08:00

Four jobs you've had in your life:
1. I helped a little boy learn how to read and write. (I tutored him one summer.)
2. Preschool Teacher and Assistant Director of a child care center
3. Children’s Minister at a Korean church
4. waited tables at “the crack” and a psycho Italian restaurant

Four movies you would watch over and over:
(my answers are those that i HAVE watched over and over…)
1. Say Anything
2. A Charlie Brown Christmas
3. any Wes Anderson film
4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Seinfeld
2. American Idol
3. if we had cable, i would watch TLC—shows like Clean Sweep and Trading Spaces
4. Lost

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Weston (Fort Lauderdale), Florida
2. New Orleans, Louisiana (a couple years ago)
3. a “mini world tour” including Singapore, Cairo, Jerusalem, Rome, Athens and Hawaii (with family, when i was young)
4. Eureka Springs, Arkansas (i know, i know—but we did…and loved it! twice!) :)

Four websites you visit daily:
1. my work’s intranet home page
2. my bank’s website
3. blogs, blogs and more blogs
4. msnbc.com

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Bread
3. Steak
4. Chicken Alfredo

Four things you would change about your house:
(I would love to own a home; then maybe we would desire to invest in any changes!)
1. insulate it
2. create more storage space
3. add a few more rooms—laundry room and extra bdrm
4. make the back patio more sturdy and beautify the yard (front and back)

Four bloggers you are tagging:
1. Mary Beth
2. Kevin (even if he didn’t leave me anything...j/k) :)
3. Sarah
4. Celcia!

happy new year

2006-01-03T14:42:00.000-08:00

so i found out today that my uncle mike and aunt lisa are now divorced.
when i first learned of their separation (early last year), i cried my eyes out—lamenting for them, their children, the pain of divorce in general…since then, they semi-reconciled. i even saw them together, all four of them as a family, just a few months ago.

but then uncle mike showed up alone at thanksgiving.

and now today this news.
and strangely, not a single tear fell. (at least, not yet.)
i’m just so tired. i’m so tired of bad news. i’m tired of things and people getting broken.

divorce is so despairing. it’s like death, but worse?

i’ve always been torn over divorce. my whole life, divorce and abortion were the two things that could almost always immediately bring tears to my eyes—and then one day i woke up and realized something: if my parents had never divorced their first spouses, i wouldn’t be here. i would have never been born.

there’s much more to say about all that, but i won’t say it. not today. for i say i’m tired of bad news, but here i am being another bearer of it.

so, hello. hello, electronic world, and i wish you well. i wish you whole, joyful relationships, especially your marital ones. fight to the DEATH, i say; may we beat those wretched statistics.

may this year be a redeeming one for those who have been in the dark too long. and may those who run hand-in-hand through grassy fields continue to do so, tempting those in the shadows to join them with the love in their eyes and the joy in their laughs.

for God’s sake,
never give up on love.

my heart

2005-12-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

the first day of winter,
and my heart is cold.

what of the Christ Child
and the Story of old?

what of the manger
where the Holy Babe lay,

and what of the love
He bled on that Day?

yes, what of the splinters
from His makeshift bed,
and what of the thorns
shoved down into His head?

what of His smile,
His favor resting upon me?
His eyes filled with Love--
His holiness, all He can see

is the Sacrifice He became;

from the body of an infant
to a Resurrected King.
Yes, even now i choose Him--
my heart and my all i bring.

domestic tranquility

2005-12-08T13:36:00.000-08:00

kevin, jennie, julie…if you’re reading this, you are already smiling. :)

i thought of this precious term the other day, and my mind wandered back to walt’s, the obu cafeteria that is no more, and one cold, wintry day when we were all huddled for breakfast at one of those long, brown tables with the uncomfortable, attached plastic seats. andy scott was there, and one or more of us was wearing a white, long-sleeved t-shirt as an under-layer with a perfectly thumb-sized hole at the cuff. we would hold our hot beverage of choice in our cold little hands, thumbs shyly poking through their holes, and tenderly sip as steam warmed our rudolph noses. ah, domestic tranquility, we would utter. who originally coined this term, i cannot recall. but its meaning has stayed close to my heart.

isn’t it what we all long for? to be at home? to belong? to have our cold hands and feet covered, and to be nourished by not only what we need but by what we want?

perhaps i’ve been thinking of the term more than usual because we just moved. and although 208 clay is wonderful, yes, we still haven’t unpacked everything, and we still have half a storage unit yet to unload upon the already-stuffed house. we have longed for domestic tranquility, and so we have attempted to keep the living room clear of clutter—so that we at least have one room we can collapse into after we’ve braved the fierce day.

i’ve been so sad because i haven’t decorated for Christmas, and unless a miracle happens (and i suddenly have a few DAYS to work on everything), i do not plan to do so. why bring more stuff (albeit wonderful, smile-inducing stuff) into all the stuff that’s already threatening to swallow us whole? and i suppose i say i’m sad because being in a Christmas-decorated home seems the essence of domestic tranquility.

but then maybe i’m missing the whole point.

because not once do i remember ever “feeling” domestic tranquility—in college or elsewhere—while i was alone. and all we needed was a couple of chipped mugs and a few holy shirts. we were even sitting on hard, plastic seats, for heaven’s sake. but we were together. and we loved each other. and that was what made our domesticism tranquil. (well, that and the hot chocolate.) :)

so perhaps that is what i need to remember as Christmas Day becomes closer and closer; down a few hot ones with the ones i love, and soak in the warmth of peace that genuine love and happiness brings.

i’m anxiously awaiting your comments; i cannot wait to hear your thoughts on this, my loved ones. (kevin, jennie, and julie, and all other loved ones, as well.) :)

one more reason why i love claire danes

2005-11-30T07:31:00.000-08:00

as quoted in a recent online article on msnbc, she said,

"i keep my pointer finger in my pocket because i never know why people make the choices they do.”

God, please remind me again and again that You alone are Judge.

moving

2005-11-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

THIS weekend.

I can't wait to be in our new home. :)
(That's what I'm going to say to myself over and over during this yucky, scary weekend!!)

Rah, Rah, Rah!

2005-11-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

Kick it in the jaw!

Rah, Rah, Rass!
Kick it in the...

Well, you know where to kick it, dear Doug.
May Day Two of this second killer Baptist Heritage exam be a breeze for you!!

Here's to the fateful die rolling and revealing four dots!!! :)

MR. AND MRS.!!!

2005-11-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

i'm so happy jennie posted about her news--now i can!! :)

SHE'S GETTING MARRIED!!
my best friend is getting married, and i could not be any happier for her.

there is not a kinder, more loving, gifted & handsome man that i could ever wish for her.

thank You, God, for bringing them together. may You continue to protect them. may You continue to richly bless them as they seek to be more like You. may their hearts and minds continue to be filled with peace and joy as they trust in You. as they're getting ready to be married and especially after they're married, please show them Your love, Lord, through one another. may You receive the glory, for great things You have done. thank You!

cramps

2005-11-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

bleh.

i hate the

Mohawked Deer-Lover

2005-11-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

I read this here yesterday. I just had to share it. It's a little funny and a little weird and a little frightening all mixed up in one big pot.

In September, after law enforcement officers in North Carolina spotted a reportedly stolen ambulance and chased it through three counties until forcing it into a ditch north of Greensboro, they found the driver to be mohawk-hairstyled Leon Hollimon Jr., 37, who is not a medical professional but was wearing a stethoscope and with latex gloves in his pocket. Strapped to a gurney in the back was a dead six-point deer, and according to witnesses cited by the Florida Times-Union newspaper (Hollimon is from Jacksonville, Fla.), an intravenous line was attached to it and a defibrillator had been used. [Florida Times-Union, 9-28-05]

Completely beside the point,

Doug and I are moving into a new [rent] home; we could not be more happy or excited. Please send donations. JUST KIDDING. But seriously--sometimes I feel like we're making a "wrong" move because of $. Hard not to worry and such. But in the comforting and wise words of my mother, "I know it will be hard, but you've gotta have a life," and then today, from Scott Duvall, "There's something to say about the quality of life..." And really, we haven't. (Had a life.) (For 9 months.)
Any coincidence there with the nine months thing? Ha ha, another JUST KIDDING.
This Saturday is my first group meeting for FINLAND. I look forward to meeting the other team members and talking about the trip. :)
I'm hosting this month for my beloved Bunco group! A huge, hearty thanks to my dear friends, Jennie and Lori, for the use of their beautiful home on the eve of the 22nd.
Speaking of food, yes, I changed my template. What can I say? I love food. Why not have it as my template. :)
I'm becoming a more horrible employee by the millisecond. I've GOT to do something about this. That, and I think I'm going to have to get another "moonlighting" job again. (See the first bullet.) School cafeteria, here I come? I could be like Adam Sandler's lunch lady. Or hopefully not.

that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown

2005-10-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

i love simple things and children. i love the voices of children (especially linus’s) and their smiles, even their little alligator tears. i love their little coats and shoes and the way they run and live without any inhibitions. sometimes i wonder if i being a preschool teacher is maybe what i am supposed to do with my life—as in:

“whaddya wanna do with your life, young woman?”
“i want to be a preschool teacher.”
“well you’ll have plenty of time to be a preschool teacher when you’re livin in a van down by the river!”

anyway, back to the topic at hand.
i love simple things.
i love children.
and i LOVE charlie brown and his friends (and enemies, too, i suppose--although lucy, a friend/enemy, has always gotten on my nerves).

this is really all i know to say, i suppose.

and why, oh WHY is this on my mind? well, yes, that’s right—i really am listening to A Charlie Brown Christmas right now. A few select tunes have actually been on repeat all day.

p.s. i'm going to Finland, Lord willing. i was chosen to be a team member for Rotary's Group Study Exchange. :)

a little update and miscellaneous thoughts

2005-10-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

well, doug survived his first bh test.
day one was killer, but he nailed day two.

finland--the interview is this saturday.
i'm glad i'm going forward with this.
if i am chosen for the team, you will each have to pinch me a couple of times upon realizing i will be going to FINLAND for a month next year.
for free.

i haven't even tried to get another job since i was fired.
for now, i'm really enjoying being at home each night--doing laundry, cleaning, organising...whatever i want/need to do!!

i'm pretty sure we can manage without me getting another job, but having the extra $ would be nice. getting out of the basement would be nice. although, we ARE supposed to only pray for our DAILY bread. does anyone know of an example in the Bible where we are taught to save $? i'm really just trying to figure out some things. i know we are to be good stewards, but...does that necessarily mean saving? i mean, in every story i can think of re: goods or money, the "saver" is condemned. for example, when the israelites took more manna than they were supposed to (more than one day's worth), the manna spoiled. it rotted. and of course, the man who saved all his stuff in his barn died that very night...etc., etc. just something i've been thinking about lately. any thoughts?

in total contrast, is anyone else obsessed with the monopoly game at mcdonald's. i know, disgusting. i'm embarrassed to admit it, but alas, it is true.

did you know sean michel and jay newman are in africa with matt elkins right now? well, they are. sean even got to play and sing about Him in front of 1000s with one of the most popular bands there.

i have a pampered chef show on the 29th. it's called chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. :)

well, that's all. i'm thankful for you, dear friends and readers.

baptist heritage

2005-10-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

poor, poor doug--

at this moment, he is taking the first part of his first baptist heritage exam. (today is day one; friday is day two.)

for those who may not know what this is like, imagine having to memorize 600 "facts" (facts being anything from a place to a date to a name...you get the picture) and then being tested on only 200 of those--a die is rolled at the beginning of class to determine which pre-known (essay) question the students will have to answer for that day. in other words, there are 6 exam questions you have to know upways, downways, sideways and l;ajdsfl;k...on day one, you answer one of them; day two, you answer another one.

sadly, i did not retain hardly any of the facts i memorized when i took bh so many years ago. after all, i really only shoved that info into my short-term memory, i suppose.

knowing, doug, he'll do great. he's wonderful with essays, and he's oh so smart. but i feel for him--so deeply--nonetheless.

thanks for thinking of him. send him a little note of encouragement, if you would like. :)

a favourite

2005-10-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

it’s all about You, Jesus,
and all this is for You--for Your glory and Your fame.

it’s not about me, as if you should do things my way.
You alone are God, and I surrender to your ways.

Jesus, lover of my soul, all consuming fire is in Your gaze.
Jesus, I want You to know I will follow You all my days.

for no one else in history is like You; history itself belongs to You.

Alpha and Omega, You have loved me,
and I will share eternity with You.

if you do not know this song, i highly encourage you to listen to it. soon.
it's by shelley nirider, i believe. exactly 3 years and 5 months ago today, actually, my five beautiful bridesmaids sang this together at our wedding. :) if i could, i would post a link so you could hear them! (they were MUCH better than the scary accompaniment that backed them--wow. so much for a "pleasant" string quartet!!) :)

well, that's all.
i have been singing this song to myself today and decided to share the lyrics with you. :)

wandg

2005-10-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

i'm about to pass OUT because i can hardly wait to see the wallace and gromit film.

my sister has already seen it; i'm so jealous.

this and that

2005-10-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

so, a few things:

1) a few weeks ago, i was asked in an e-mail from my secret model, "would you like to go on a paid trip to Finland in May for 4 weeks?" even though the trip is through the rotary club and i would have to do presentations and go to meetings and such, this offer is too good to be true and too good to not pursue. so i'm in the process of getting permission from my boss, applying, setting up an interview, etc. can you even believe it, because i can't.

2) today after lunch in the cafeteria with doug, he told me johnny wink had scribbled in latin, "this window was stolen" on the inside wall of the former pretty room. i had to see it (even though, of course--and sadly, i would not have been able to understand it), so we walked into lile hall (NOT by the steps that used to lead up to the building on the "english" side, because those are now non-existent) and tromped down to the room, and when we were still about 5-10 yards away, i stopped in my tracks a tear began to form. what used to be probably the most beautiful room on campus has now been reduced to an ugly shoebox of a room: the powers that be have put sheetrock over the windows that made the pretty room the pretty room. and it's gone. all for the sake of progress or some other shit like that. sorry, but it's true. i know the school of business persons (and those associated with them) are happy, but i am not sure many others are. i bet the middle of campus has diminished by a third because of the HUGE building that's going up before our disbelieving eyes. myles, john, julie and kevin, i write this especially for you. and if you didn't know, i'm sorry to be the bearer of such horrible news. i cried tears for all of us today.

3) on a lighter and much more superficial note, i got a haircut last night. i have, for the first time in probably around 14 years, bangs. "fringes," as aussies might say. :) and yes, though they may be down to my chin (they're long bangs), that's still a huge change for me. i'm kind of liking them, but we'll see. :)

you're fired

2005-10-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

i got fired from the restaurant.

no, i'm not kidding.

it was (and still is) a nightmare.

FIRED.

i never, never thought i would experience such a thing--hubris, i suppose.
-------------------------------------------
anyway--as promised, here's what happened...
(i'll tell you the short version, because there's no way i can imitate their voices over the blogging world. you would definitely need to hear the accents, etc. if i gave you the long version.)

the servers at due aMESSe's (it's really due amiche's) are required to give the hostess/bus-girl 5% of their tips every night. now, i really love gabby--i do. i didn't mind SO much about the $ because i care for her and because really, five percent is not a lot. i've always seen every single server give closer to 10% (or more) of their tips, probably for the same reason i have-- i mean, who is really going to pitch in three QUARTERS out of their $15.00? we've almost always felt inclined to give a couple dollars each. besides, if we don't, we get berailed by alex...which brings me to friday night...

he came at us with gabby's $ (the $ we had just given her) in his hand. he was, of course, yelling at us--saying we hadn't given enough $. there were five of us, and we had given $10 total. well, figuring that each of us made around $25, the amount we SHOULD have given was more like $6--not 10. perhaps the right thing would have been to fork over more of our money...but we have never thought it fair that they require us to give her some of our "hard-earned" money when she's making minimum wage and we're only making $2.15/hr. [everything's always been so shady there--from the hand-written "personal" checks to the illegal aliens working there, one of whom used to hit us up for part of our tips, as well. every aspect of that place, really, is at least somewhat corrupt.] so once again, i step up as the unofficial server spokesperson...i told alex what i just told you--that we always give more than the required 5%--and usually we give closer to 10%. then he started yelling at me personally (yes, in front of everyone) asking me how much $ i had given gabby on tuesday night when i did so well in tips (yelling out specific amounts of tips he had seen)...anyway, i'm getting into the details.

it all ended this way:

i calmly said, "alex, you know what we make, but we've never known what gabby makes; you and bruno have refused to tell us. that's fine, but we do not think it's right or fair that you require us to compensate for her salary."

(as a side note, every time one of us has asked, "but isn't she making minimum wage?" they've retorted with something like, "that's none of your business," or, "if i wasn't paying her, she wouldn't be here.")

in a tone like he was about to reveal some huge act of generosity, alex screamed back, "do you know what i pay her?! i pay her $3.50 an hour!!"

i quickly replied, "well, then that's illegal."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ILLEGAL?!"

"unless they're in a serving position, you're required by U.S. law to pay your employees at least minimum wage."

(now, perhaps i should have researched that a little, but i think i'm at least somewhere close to being accurate.)

that's the moment when alex screamed, "take your apron [off] and leave!!!"

"am i fired?"

"yes, you are fired right now!!"

-----------------------------------

so, that's it. there are a lot more details--some of which i honestly cannot even remember. it was all such a blur; i truly wish i had a videotape of the whole thing or something. the bottom line is that i called him on something that he knows is wrong, and i believe he got scared. i mean, i really think i saw fear in his eyes. i know for a FACT that one of the hispanic employees there is an illegal alien; all four of them (including gabby) very well may be, actually. the logical thing would NOT have been to fire me--most people would have gone to such-and-such-authority the next day with that information, especially after having been (unjustly) fired. i'm still not sure what to do about all this. the advice i've received has ranged from "you need to take care of business" to "just walk away." i don't know what my response should be. i know i should be socially responsible, but i'm also called to love--above everything else.

one good thing that has come of all this is i can now relate to someone who has been fired. i would have never thought it would feel the way it does--it's such a blow to the pride, it's humiliating, depressing, shocking...

for now, i'm adjusting to life with one job (well, two if you count pampered chef), to being able to actually go home at 5:00. that's a weird feeling. although i only worked at the restaurant for 2 1/2 months, i feel like i worked there a LOT longer than that. my time there was horribly stressful, emotionally distressing (i would even be so bold as to say emotionally abusive--i know it seems harsh, but those two men do NOT know how to treat their employees)...i really am glad to be free of it.

anyone know of any available part-time evening jobs NOT in a restaurant? :)

to my friends, on their 28th birthday

2005-09-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

once upon a time (around 10,220 days ago), three precious babies were born into this world on the same day. one would grow up to be a God-fearing, God-and-people-loving husband and writer—whose words no one could touch. another would become a fireball of life, eager to live life to the fullest and experience all she could—all the while selflessly giving of herself through her daily work. the last precious baby would grow to be a woman whose beauty none could match, whose tenderness and grace none could fathom, whose love for her Lord and her loved ones were beyond compare.

kevin, i love you and think the world of you. you are such a beautiful man. happy birthday.

julie, you are the most unique person i have ever known. i miss you and love you so very much. happy, happy birthday.

jennie, you are my best friend. (i’m saying it for all the world to see.) may this birthday truly be magical for you! my respect, admiration and love for you continues to grow. you are so lovely. happy birthday, sweet jennie.

bliss

2005-09-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

dearest dana and other sweet friends "in my corner,"

i love you all. thank you for your kind and strong support, even in silly blogging comment wars. and PLEASE don't feel badly, dana; that first "anonymous" person was NOT my sister, and i really, really appreciate that you came to my defense. (my sister was anon #2.)

well, i hesitated to write this here for all the world to see, including anonymous #1 and all my other known & unknown enemies, but i wanted to share this fun tidbit with you:

i will be going to CHICAGO next week!

yes, the reason for the trip is to audition for ai5. this is probably the craziest thing i've ever done--which proves how boring my life has generally been!! BUT even if i don't get to audition (and there's a big possibility that i won't, due to the # of people that will probably be there), i'm going to have the GREATEST WEEKEND in CHICAGO with Sweet Jem and my friend Cecilia!!

f-o-x

2005-09-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

seems shallow to even mention this (or rather KEEP talking about it), but i will not be going to memphis to audition after all.

the auditions were cancelled due to hurricane relief efforts.
(good on ya, Fox.)

givin em somethin to talk about

2005-08-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

so, i suppose i'm crazy.

maybe i'm going through a mid-life crisis early, but "Lord willing" (is that possible in this case?!),

i will be at the fedex forum in memphis on sunday-monday (or later) to audition for american idol.

now that i'm actually writing it--admitting it, confessing it, whatever--i can't help but laugh aloud!!

hopefully i'll remember that i'm doing it all in fun and FOR fun.
i don't have any idea what i'm getting myself into by doing this, but how could i NOT go when i've received such overwhelming support from loving persons like you? 17 comments from 13 different people?! :)

my youngest sister has even offered to go with me, which i think would be really fun--she offered to put us up in a hotel that night and everything! :) Although my dear, dear in-laws live only about 15 minutes away, i'll be there all afternoon on sunday, and then i'll need to be at the venue really early on monday morning.

i can't believe i'm really going to do this.

laboring on labor day,
this year i am not
for on this day of this year
i'm hoping for a spot
to sing, to smile,
to give em all i've got
that's right--i'm gonna try
to give 'em
somethin to talk about

HA HA HA!!! :) :) :)

ai 5

2005-08-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

okay, so last night at bunco, SOMEhow the girls started talking about american idol & how i should try out for it.

i've been advised against it (and every sensible bone in my body agrees), but thanks to kathy (i bet you're so happy and just LAUGHING right now b/c YES, i did think of songs & sing them all the way home last night), i thought i would propose a little vote. this is probably the most self-centered post ever (yes, even more than the birthday one), but what the heck--it's all just for fun. :)

PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR ANSWERS:

QUESTION 1: SHOULD I AUDITION FOR AI 5?
A. NO
B. YES
C. ARE YOU JOKING.

QUESTION 2: WHAT SONG SHOULD I SING?
A. Let's Give 'Em Somethin' to Talk About, Bonnie Raitt
B. OTHER
(If your answer is "B," then please tell me what "other" is.)

Auditions are two weeks from Monday in Memphis. (only 3 hrs away) I just happen to have Labor Day off this year (first time EVER for the university)...so I guess I'm considering it. What do you say, MB? Want to stand in line with me and maybe audition, too? :)

No wise cracks, Cade.

To Rebekah, on her 28th birthday

2005-08-09T14:09:00.000-07:00

Rebekah,

On your birthday, try not to worry so much.

Forget about the money problems
and not having plans for the future.

Don't get so worked up about dog hairs all over the place;
instead, go to the lake with her more often.

Do your best to love others the way you have been loved
so richly and unconditionally by your Heavenly Father.

Try and try and TRY not to take everything so seriously;
this is the only one life you have been given to live, after all, and twenty eight years of it have already passed!

When you make a grammatical error, correct it and move forward.

When someone doesn't react the way you thought he or she would, remember that everyone has the right to do and say as they please; let others have their own opinions.

When you don't get around to sending the thank you note that you've composed 101 times in your head, let it go.

Breathe.
and Smile.
and remember who you are:
a child of the Most High, a daughter of the King, one who is loved by the Most Lovely (even in your unloveliness), created and cherished, and one who has been given the gift of eternal living (which will be much, much longer than 28 years).

reunion from...

2005-07-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

Kelle, Me, Cecilia and Rachel at our 10-year High School Reunion

I feel I have complained and complained and comPLAINED about my 10-year reunion sooo much...

although I wanted to go into all the ridiculous details, when I received this picture in my inbox today, a huge smile spread across my face, and I realized that all the money, all the worrying, all the stupidness was truly, truly worth it--just because I got to see these three old friends.

This might be the shortest post ever, but that's all I have to say about this. :)

quick

2005-07-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

so i have about a gazillion things that i want to write about, but i've actually been pretty busy at work. (heaven forbid that i actually WORK while at work!!) i've also just started a (second) new job, as some of you know, which has cut down from any night-writing. (not to be confused with Knight Rider, though i wish.)

ideas for further posts include:

a long, overdue follow-up to the master cleanser
thoughts on some friends moving and wondering why things happen a certain way
the blasted, ridiculous excuse for a 10 yr reunion
the tag i got from rachel a while ago (i love it, and i truly plan to do it)
my new job

good grief, i'm already tired from writing.

ten short years

2005-07-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

so my ten year reunion is only ten days from today. i’m pretty nervous. pretty excited, but pretty nervous. i know most people fret away about their outward appearances for things like reunions, and i am definitely no exception. if my looks were perfect, though, would i still be giving myself stomach ulcers? probably so? (to my knowledge, i don’t really have stomach ulcers.) also, does anyone else’s reunion charge SIXTY FIVE bones per ticket?! absurd. for SIMPLY an “hors d’oeuvres buffet.” oh, oh—excuse me—that price also includes:

• facility rental
• decorations
• entertainment
• alumni directory
• photo nametag
• guest nametag (yep, better slap on another $10 for that one)
• mailings
• postage (OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
• national alumni search
• reunion staff
• reunion manager
• and administrative staff

ARE THEY JOKING. biggest rip off i’ve ever seen?!?! does anyone else see that the ones who come are penalized by having to pay for the postage/mailings to classmates that don’t come?!?!

not that i’m an alchy or anything, but GIVE ME A BREAK—“cash bar available?!?!” ridiculous. and if you want a picture, you have to pay EXTRA.
ugh. enough of this moaning and groaning.

kevin's challenge

2005-06-30T13:38:00.000-07:00

so, i've finally finished your challenge, mr. still. (it only took me 3 weeks.) enjoy! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:

X & Y – Coldplay--> there are not enough words to describe how much i am in love with this new album. (actually, all the other “currently listening to” are kind of a lie, seeing as how when i first obtained the album, i listened to nothing else for every waking minute of four or five solid days. since then, things haven’t changed all that much.) i may write later an entire bit on “fix you.” as an intro, i will say that the other day i had a rapturous experience while feasting on this brilliant, enthralling, dare i say perfect, song. i do not believe i have been that moved by a piece of music in years.

BRIAN REGAN LIVE! – Brian Regan--> unless you count the whale noises, there’s really not any music on this cd. laughs are guaranteed, however, throughout the entire thing. some of my favourite tracks are “you too & stuff,” “fishing on t.v.” and “kids’ party games.” (I think Doug’s favourite is “lousy in little league.”) Thanks, dic●keys, for the great introduction.

LISTEN WITHOUT PREJUDICE, VOL. I – George Michael--> i can really never get enough of the old stuff from georgios kyriacos panayiotou. (no wonder he changed his name.) why everyone viewed this album as a failure is beyond me, because seriously, there is not a single bad track on it. i only wish there would have been a second volume.

GUERO – Beck
--> thanks to doug, I have had the opportunity to hear this album. (see which track is my favourite so far on #3 below.) that beck is something else.

FIVE SONGS THAT I CURRENTLY HAVE A CRUSH ON:

1) "IN THE GARDEN" – sean michel is a friend of the family (especially of sarah). this is one of a few songs that my spirit, upon every time i hear and/or see it performed, is stirred to great emotional response. you should listen to it.

2) (unnamed) - i am in love with “i need you here” otherwise known as “what if you leave and then i have to blow my head off with a glock” (really, the tune is unnamed at this point) by this is turbo. i cannot wait until we record it this weekend. this is a great song, and i hope other people get to hear it someday.

3) "HELL YES" – what more do i need to say than “get your damn hands up” and “my beat is correct.” this song kicks you-know-WHAT.

4) "LITHIUM" – i rebelliously snuck nevermind by nirvana into my room sometime during my teenage years, and i have to say that i definitely do not regret it. i still love this song—now i just wish i could find that tape…it may possibly be my next purchase. (p.s. may i just comment to you, kevin, how much I love you? “riding out nirvana's cremated wake…” you kill me.)

5) "WALKING IN THE AIR" – i love the snowman (go there NOW) more than I could ever express. because i recently re-watched the movie (for the ??th time), i have since been haunted by peter auty’s celestial voice singing this glorious song.

TOP FIVE ALBUMS (RIGHT NOW):

1) X & Y - Coldplay

2) THE NUTCRACKER – Tchaikovsky

3) YOU WERE AT THE TIME FOR LOVE – Don Chaffer

4) ROCKIN’ THE SUBURBS – Ben Folds

5) PINKERTON – Weezer

LAST ALBUM BOUGHT:

THE JAZZ SINGER – Neil Diamond

--> though not for myself (christmas giftS—the two lucky recipients being my father and my husband), i happily made this purchase. my favourite album by ole neil, i have been listening to it (then in record-form) since i was around 6 years old (only 3 years after its release).

RECENT MUSICAL DISCOVERY:

Ella Fitzgerald

--> embarrassing to confess this as my “recent” musical discovery since the late ms. fitzgerald was putting out hits as early as 1938. regardless, how have i gone almost 27 full years of my life without the voice and music of ella? yes, i have heard and even sung tunes such as “someone to watch over me,” and perhaps her voice has frequented my ears far more times than i realize. however, not until recently has she fast and furiously become one of my favourites. the complete ella fitzgerald song books, ONLY a 16-disc set, is without a doubt the most expensive thing on my wish list, but perhaps someday i will have in my possession all 254 of those glorious songs.

I PASS THIS SAME CHALLENGE ON TO:

Amber
Cade
Christian
Doug
John
Kellie
Kim
Mary Beth
Rachel
Sarah

2005-06-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

have you ever "found your spot?"

i love this quiz and usually take it a couple of times a year. my answers change depending on my mood, so it's always fun to see how my top spots change. :)

here are my current top spots:

Carlisle, Pennsylvania
Norfolk, Virginia
Harrisburg, PA
Asheville, North Carolina
Roanoke, VA
Hickory, NC
Hampton, VA
Long Island, New York
Albany, NY
Charlotte, NC
Lynchburg, VA
Altoona, PA
Richmond, VA
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Chesapeake-Virginia Beach, VA
Syracuse, NY
Knoxville, Tennessee
Manchester, New Hampshire
Nashua, NH
Erie, PA
Durham, NC
Portland, Maine
Lancaster, PA
Rochester, NY

I can safely say that I have not been to even three of these cities, but perhaps there will come a day. A fun, fun road trip (if I had the time, $, and an awesome vehicle) would be to visit all of these places! Who knows? Maybe I'll even decide to stay in one of them. :)

Fun in Australia!!

2005-06-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

With pleasure I introduce you to another sister--I am literally esctatic that my older sister, Kellie, has a blog now, as well. She lives in Western Australia with her three children, my beautiful niece and nephews. I cannot wait to see more pictures of my gorgeous sister and her kiddos!!!

Happily,
Rebeekah

Fun in Paris

2005-06-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

If you have not already done so, please visit my youngest sister's fantastic blog on the Houston Chronicle's website. (You can see the link to her blog on their front page.)

She's living in Paris for the next six weeks, and her stories so far have been more than great! :) (Scroll down on her blog to read them in chronological order.)

Comments and discussion are welcomed by her, just make sure you're not too "personal." Yeah, sorry JEM and Kevin, no calling her Sweatpants or anything. (Her editor doesn't like that and will end up not posting the comment!) :(

Very Sincerely,
The Management

"Not Nerdy, but Definitely Not Hip"

2005-06-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

i'm glad for my low score.
boosts the self-esteem or something like that.

fyi...

2005-06-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

in case you do not already know, my husband now has a blog!

read at your own risk.

just kidding, dougley. i love you. :)

p.s. master cleanser update soon...

I'm doing it

2005-06-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

I’m going on the master cleanser. my sister has done it in the past, and she’s been telling me about it for a long time, and now I’ve decided to do it. what do I have to lose? ha ha—that’s gross, really, because I know I’ll be “losing” a lot…of CRAP from my body, that is. I’m not a health nut, by ANY MEANS, but if these “natural health” persons are right about even HALF of what they say the master cleanser can do for someone, then I say it’s all worth it. this is so weird and gross, but here’s an example of an extreme result (found here with a lot of other crazy examples):

“One of my clients put his mother on the diet, and on her eighth day an old scar from gall bladder surgery opened up, draining pus and releasing a stitch that bad been left in her body 22 years earlier.”

wow.

so, I’m starting it this Saturday and will go for the minimum 10 days (through the 20th). pray for me, because I’ll need it—especially for the first three days. I think I may be most weirded out when my tongue starts to turn green (on the fourth or so day, sarah says). I suppose when I think of toxins, though (i.e. toxic waste), that’s the colour I generally imagine.

gross, huh?

100 things about me: part ii of iv

2005-06-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

26. I am maybe the most paranoid person I know. Whenever I hear co-workers whispering, I almost always think they’re talking badly about me. I always worry that I’m annoying other persons and/or hurting their feelings, and so I ask things like, “Are you sure?” or “Really?” or (only to my family) “You promise?” Exasperating, I know. A long time ago, I heard a really great sermon/message that aided in opening my eyes to my self-centeredness and true arrogance. Being that way (always thinking others are talking badly about you, etc.) is exactly the same thing, at heart, as one strutting around with his chest puffed up and bragging about his latest accomplishment. The “it’s all about me” mentality is something I’ve tried to correct over the past several years, and the process is definitely one step forward, two steps back.

27. Going hand in hand with that, I, unfortunately, tend to be pretty negative and pessimistic. I truly try to “focus on the positives” and see the glass half-full, but generally my words are filled with doom and drear. How can this be when I belong to the Living God and have an Eternal Hope? (I ask myself this question almost daily and struggle with the answer, but oh how I love Galatians! Especially chapter 5.)

28. I used to be a much more outgoing person than I am at the present time. I’m not sure what made the change(s), but I often wish I were still an extrovert.

29. Speaking of personalities, my type is ISFJ. (I=33%, S=11%, F=56%, J=33%)

30. I like my oatmeal thick, and I like to call it porridge.

31. The MSNBC news headlines are delivered to my inbox every day. I’m embarrassed to say that I always most look forward to the entertainment section. (Although I do in fact read the articles prior to the ones in that section.)

32. I also love People magazine. Doug hates this about me, and I will say it’s not a thing I’m too proud to admit. Why am I so drawn to the lives of celebrities? Ridiculous.

33. When I was in fourth grade at Brighton Township Elementary School in Beaver, Pennsylvania, there was a period of time that I had to stay inside during recess (and a little after school, as well) with my teacher, Mr. Parsons. No, I had not misbehaved. My penmanship, which I had learned in Australia, was “horrible,” and he made me re-learn cursive. I happen to think that Australians generally have gorgeous handwriting, and I so wish that I still wrote that way.

34. I believe that the above experience is part of why I am extremely obsessive-compulsive about my handwriting. If a letter is not connected “just so” or if it’s too loopy, I have to go over it (and over it and over it) until the letter is “perfect.” By then, of course, everything looks gross; at that point, I usually crumple up the paper and start all over again. Wow. If I am ever a teacher, I really hope that I will be extra sensitive to my students’ feelings and especially complimentary of their attempts at cursive.

35. Speaking of being obsessive-compulsive, I am. See this post for further ramblings.

36. I let the expletives fly sometimes. Recently my dear SIL was visiting, and I think I may have scared her off from any future visits with all the s- and d- bombs I dropped.

37. I love designing invitations, stationery, etc. Before my current position, I was in “the dungeon” on campus and got to design and print invitations—that was my favourite part of the job. Although I do not have any type of training or background in graphic design, I suppose the print shop experience was enough because I still have a few bites for design work sometimes! I work at a university where one of the mottos is “Ring by spring or your money back,” so, as you can see, I have many on-the-side business opportunities. Recently, I even went so far as to come up with my own catalogue (entitled “every jot and tittle”) and company name (rb designs). Fun!!

38. Fear grips me. Whether it be of spiders or getting older, I really struggle with being afraid. I frequently repeat to myself “Perfect love casts out fear.” Yes, He does.

39. I am married to my first boyfriend. Doug is precious and passionate, charismatic and intelligent, unique and sensitive, talented and spontaneous…what a package! (Do NOT read into that last statement!!) :)

40. Since high school, my response to, “So what do you want to do with your life?” has been, “As long as I can be a wife, a mother, and be able to sing, I will be very happy.” (Of course that’s after I want to say the phrase right back to them, but in a Matt Foley voice.) So the first and the third things are in place…I cannot wait for the day that I become a mother. Speaking honestly, that is truly the thing on this earth that I most long for.

41. I LOVE nicknames for other people and for myself. Thanks to my dear sister, I probably have about 37 of them. No, but seriously—there’s rebstar, of course, and rebbles, rebcakes, rebbie, rebeekah (another “of course,” but not from Sarah), rebchules, rebukah (pronounced “rebuke-ah,” but that’s from another sister), rebek, bekah, bekahr, beeker, beeks, and plopper. And that’s just the first dozen. But just don’t call me becky; I hate that one.

42. The only person who has ever called me “becky” (and I didn’t mind) was my best friend, Tanya, in Australia. (see #11) Seriously, to this day, I know she would write/say, “G’day, Becky,” like that’s my name.

43. I love American Idol. This year’s show was somewhat disappointing, but I have still enjoyed it, thanks to Jennie. (Listen to what an amazing, selfless friend she is: I do not get any type of reception on our t.v.—no local channels or anything—so Jennie has been taping the show and sending me the tapes. Every time I stop to think about how wonderful she is, my mind is just about blown.) A few summers ago, I even went to an American Idol concert. Yes, I really am almost 28 years old.

44. You know on hot days when your shoes squish on the softened (but not sticky or anything) tar that’s between cracks on the road? Well, I LOVE that feeling.

45. Conflict. I tend to avoid it.

46. I have an incredibly low self-esteem. (This probably goes along with #s 26 & 27.) When I was in college and really trying to deal with that fact, my eyes were opened to an event that I believe may have really started the downward spiral: the Medusa incident. (I’ll explain this at a later time.) But then again, I remember as a CHILD looking at my little mosquito-bitten legs and wishing for “white” legs (without any scars). Our wicked enemy is so crafty, isn’t he? He truly does aim to steal, kill and destroy.

47. I’m an Independent Consultant for the Pampered Chef. Although I am not anything close to being an aggressive salesperson (and am therefore not a “gung-ho” consultant), I really enjoy this part-time job. I love their products, and that is why I started selling them—so I could get them at great discounts and for free! If you love kitchen stuff, this is the place to get them. (I had to throw in that sales pitch!) :)

48. Doug and I have a dog named Anabelle. She is the first dog I have ever had, and although I loved all the cats I ever had, I believe I love Anabelle more than any pet that has come before her. She is so loving and obedient, and she’s so cute. I feel so sad and guilty that we (have to) leave her alone in a mostly dark one-bedroom basement apartment all day.

49. When I was in high school, I had major sinus problems. I had to have x-rays and stuff all the time—it was so yucky. I think I pretty much live with an eternal sinus infection, but it rarely ever bothers me.

50. I have been to six of the seven continents. Antarctica, here I come! (Just kidding.)

MODULAR

2005-05-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

this is christian and amber dickey.
(the picture is on amber's blog--what can i say? i'm such a "right-clicker.")

they are extremely cool, and they are our friends. (since doug and i are such nerds, we always wonder how...) anyway, we went camping with them on Sunday night and had an incredible time. :)

when we ate at dj's drive-in in bismarck, arkansas, on monday, we saw the following hand-written ad on the bulletin board:

My Mother is looking for a female companion to live in her modular. She must love to talk and not have any grandchildren.

I'll never understand
a) why "modular?" is this a mobile home? rv? why not just say that?
b) no grandchildren

each of us got a huge, hearty laugh out of the whole thing.

question

2005-05-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

so can anyone tell me how to have my list of favourite blogs underneath my profile without the list actually being a post? (does that make sense?) i haven't checked the blogger help yet...i just thought i would throw this question out to you.

THANX.
ew, don't you just hate that with an "x."

i read the words of these persons

2005-05-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

Amber

My friend, Amber, is so incredibly cool. She’s kind and giving, selfless and fun, beautiful and lovely, and she usually makes me laugh pretty hard on her xanga. (Although she has not been updating it very often--tsk, tsk.) She and her husband live in Springdale, and Doug and I miss them TONS.

Beth

I’ve known Beth for several years now, and she is one of my best friends. Her blog is filled with pictures of and stories about her & her husband’s son, Jace. She's about to graduate and move away...

Cecilia

Cecilia, lovingly known by Celcia or Cel, is a dear high school friend. After becoming reacquainted at our reunion last summer and spending a few days together at her home in Chicago, I feel closer to her than ever! Her blog is always honest...and extremely entertaining.

Dana

Because I joined Jennie’s bunco group, I have had the great opportunity to meet and hang out with Dana. I really like her. Her blog includes some posts that are so funny, but then a minute later you’ll need to reach for a tissue.

Doug ley

Doug is my husband! He’s so witty and clever, and as you can see, he somehow manages to upkeep a xanga and a myspace. (He has been falling behind on those wonderful xanga posts, though!) What a guy...what a guy!

J is really quite an amazing fellow; I so wish that I could be around him more. I’m a little partial (he is Jennie’s dear fiancé, after all), but this guy is the essence of cool. His posts are interesting and inspiring.

Jennie

I’m not even sure how to describe Sweet Jennie’s blog…honest, humourous, entertaining, enjoyable, glorious, wonderful, PERFECT! (Can you tell how much I love her?!) This one will be at the top of your favourites—I promise.

Josh

Josh Payne’s myspace blog…I met Josh almost ten years ago, and he’s quite a person. I happen to think it’s pretty neat that he has an album out and that he was listed as one of People’s sexiest men. Weird, but neat.

Julie

Julie Anna. I’m esctatic that she has started to write about her interesting life online. She’s amazing. Really, read and be amazed.

Kathy

I met Kathy in college, and she is one of the loveliest ladies I’ve ever known. She just started her blog, and it’s already great! I hope she’ll write a little about scrapbooking.

Kellie

Although she doesn't update very often (come on, Kel!), I am 150% THRILLED that my older sister, Kellie, now has a blog!!! My funny, great, gorgeous sister lives in Australia with her three beautiful children, and I love her so, so much.

Kevin

Uh…at a loss (again) for words here…after reading anything Kevin writes, I usually say (out loud), “I cannot believe I know him.” A dear old friend and literally one of the best writers that has ever lived.

Kim

Kim is so cute and funny, and she’s also one of my best friends. My only complaint about her great blog is that I want more!!

I met Katie a long time ago when she came to visit the Batesville Bunch at college. She is a beautiful believer, and I have really enjoyed getting to know her better through her blog. I look forward to reading posts from Afghanistan!

Mary

Thanks to Jennie, I found Mary’s blog. Mary is only a “blog friend,” but because of her raw honesty and transparent life, I feel like I know her! I really love reading her words; they’re always great, whether they be about God or razor burn!

Mary Beth

Mary Beth is my dear sister-in-law. Her posts are usually really funny, and again, my only complaint is I can’t get enough!! I love you, dear MB!

Mom

holy cow, my dear Mother has finally begun a blog!! can you even believe her cuteness? "mothermarilyn" and "marilyn's musings"--wow. :) i love her more than life and adore her every word.

Myles

Wow—Myles is an extremely educated deep thinker. His passions are obvious through his incredible writing…like Jennie said, I, too, wish I could have become even better friends with him while we were in college together.

Rachel #1

My youngest sister, Rachel, is beautiful, creative, talented, fashionable, loving, and she lives life to its fullest. I adore her, and I am eating up every choice word that she so skillfully writes on her Houston Chronicle blog while she's living in Paris. I don't know what I'll do when this job runs out--I'll miss it terribly! (edit: she long ago returned to the States, but since the link to her old blog still works, i'm keeping it here!)

Rachel #2

I stumbled upon Rachel’s blog one day, and my blogging world has not been the same since! I adore her and feel like she’s someone I could have known & been friends with for years. Rachel is a writer whose words are so carefully chosen and pieced together to form masterpiece after masterpiece.

Sarah

Weelll…Sarah is my sister, one of four. She is also one of my best friends, and she always will be. I wait on the edge of my seat for her posts—her stories from/about students are killer. I can’t tell you how much I cherish her and her words.

Suz

Another old high school friend (one of Sarah's best friends), I love the posts by Suzanne and her husband. Particularly exciting is the fact that Suz and I are literally only one day apart in our pregancies!! Always a great read.

Suzanne

Suzanne’s blog is really a lot of fun and oftentimes thought-provoking. Suzanne and I went to college together, and I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know her through her posts. Be on the look-out for audio posts of her playing the piano; her talent is breathtaking.

Wendy

Wendy and I have known each other since college. She is a wonderful and interesting person, and I eat up her every word. Usually I need to make sure there's no food or drink in my mouth when I'm reading her posts because I would surely spit it out in the midst of my hysterical laughter!

"K Max"

2005-05-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

uh...i was just looking at a friend's new blog and then happened to somehow end up on KEVIN SMITH'S BLOG?!?! no, not the writer/director/actor..."K Max," as in used to be a 1/3 of DC Talk. wow--so weird. i guess just about anyone has a blog these days, including dear Julie!!!! :) HURRAY!!!

Another Fun Quiz

2005-05-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Mary!
Since I'm approaching 28 this summer, my quiz results sure make me feel good! :)

You Are 20 Years Old

20

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

So...how old are you?

gladly beyond any experience

2005-05-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever visited SMS's blog?
If not, you should.

Although I'm a little biased (since she is a sister and one of my best friends), her posts never disappoint.

You, like me, will be waiting on edge for her next one!

better than New York Super Fudge Chunk?

2005-05-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

If you have not had Ben & Jerry's new flavour, Chocolate Therapy, buy and eat some as soon as possible.

You won't believe your taste buds.

$182.98

2005-05-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

That, my family and friends, is the balance of Doug’s student account. How glorious and absolutely surreal!!

FUN quiz :)

2005-04-29T14:47:00.000-07:00

This is so much fun--thanks, Rachel!

How well do you know me?

see how your answers fare...check out the scoreboard!

beauty

2005-04-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

i love the way droplets of dew look on fresh patches of clover
and the sound of sweet birds singing songs that we’ll never begin to understand,

children licking lollipops
and aged couples holding hands

laughter and freckles
and smile krinkles around eyes

bowties and suspenders
and bright yellow rain slickers

and winter turning to spring,
and crying left-eyed tears,
and sharing community with new friends

I love the way a field looks after it’s been plowed
and the sound of voices singing songs to a God that we’ll never begin to understand.

update on box-wrapping.

2005-04-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

for those of you who do not know,

I HAD TO RE-DO THE BOXES.
(no, i'm not kidding.)

last week was rather trying--especially on Friday, when the re-doing had to be done.
but then, do you know what happened?
i came back to my office to find a beautiful flower delivery waiting for me.
three breath-taking, yellow roses with baby's breath & greenery.
how much more wonderful could a friend be?

thank You, loving God, for loving me through my friends.

not good enough

2005-04-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I don’t feel good enough.

I admit I am pretty paranoid—well, maybe flat-out crazy—but when you’re given a (SMALL, MONKEY-LIKE) task to do at work, and someone “over” you does it before you can get to it (without even coming close to missing a deadline)…what are you to think besides that person must believe that I am not capable of doing the job and/or not good enough. and WHY do I care.

I was assigned the job of box-wrapping. no, not for Christmas presents: this Saturday is ER (no, not emergency room: early registration), and the incoming students and their parents have to have a place to drop their completed surveys, don’t they? so instead of sticking a few plain paper boxes in some sure-to-be-seen places around campus, it was decided that we needed to wrap the boxes (and their lids) in butcher paper so that they’ll be a little nicer-looking.

it’s all about aesthetics, folks.

my boss (our boss) assigned me the job, and as usual, I thought I would go the extra mile. so yesterday I very clumsily made my way (carrying four large paper boxes—albeit empty—is quite the balancing act) to the Education department to utilize their die-cuts. wrapping a large paper box and its corresponding lid takes a LOT LONGER than I imagined (especially when you’re oc like me), so wrapping four of those suckers took quite a bit of time. factor in the time it takes to cut out enough letters to spell “er surveys” four times (and the cutesy paw prints—I know, I know…what has gotten into me) and then glue them on piece by piece…and you’ve got yourself a project that—although yes, small and monkey-like—consumes SEVERAL HOURS of your time. I worked hard on those boxes. I mean, I literally sweat. (well, it was burning up in that lab.) I think they turned out pretty cute—especially considering their sole purpose is to HOLD SURVEYS and will be torn up the minute the surveys are extracted.

I could hear ten compliments, but if I hear one comment that even remotely sounds negative, that’s the one that reverberates in my mind. again and again.

“oh, I just wish you couldn’t see through the paper.” (the white butcher paper is pretty far from being opaque. but GIVE ME A BREAK. once again, recall the sole purpose of the boxes.)

now, I have to be honest and say that comment did not come from the above-mentioned person who “took away” my project. that individual, when she saw the boxes I had slaved over, just kind of gave a half-way “uh huh” fake smile/laugh and went on with her day.

so on to the stealing.

the other part of my small, monkey-like task was to cover two small boxes that will hold (alphabetically, of course) all the nametags for the students on Saturday. and what do I see when I walk into her office this morning? yes, her covering two small boxes with purple (what other colour would it be) paper.

I’m just ready to have a job where I feel (and AM) appreciated and that uses up my passions and skills. and what are those things, you ask?

well, even if you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you. sheesh, I’ve got to have a few positive things in this post!

I’m good with people, and I love to make them happy.
I love children and singing and creating.
I love designing stationery and invitations.
I love office supplies and using them. (go here now. even though I think stationery is great, there are some REALLY FUNNY MOVIES to watch on that site.)
I dislike filing and COPYING and feeling like a slave. (oops, I guess that’s a negative.)
I kind of like faxing, and answering the phone is good—except when I have to give a huge, long introduction (the one I give now canNOT be said in one breath, usually).
I dream of having my own store/business someday.
I’m a great actress, I really am, and I sometimes wish I could do that (kind of thing) for a living.

To summarize (and to give you a few new ones, too), some of the things I think I would like to do (in no particular order) are to be a:
• mother
• teacher
• singer
• wedding planner
• actress
• personal shop owner (don’t know everything that will be sold, but I know the name)
• chef/baker & own a bakery
• professional invitation designer
• ballerina.

not really the last one, but at age six, that’s what I wanted to be when I grew up, so I had to include it. :) (all who know me, I’m sure you got a kick out of imagining ME in a ballet outfit. I hope you didn’t lose your cookies on that one.)

boy, was this a long post, or was this a long post.

missing easterlilies

2005-04-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

okay, who else is missing easterlilies like crazy?

and that's

a song for you

2005-04-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

i wish i knew how to post this song (without using audioblogger, which would mean i would have to play it into the phone, and then it would be all warbly).
the words are beautiful, but hearing it, well...there's nothing like it. :)

enjoy.

arise and be comforted
by sons & daughters

arise and be comforted,
for the Lord, He is good to the weary.
even the young heart can tire and fall,
but He knows them all.

for the Lord, He will renew their strength—
they will soar on wings as eagles,
they will run and never grow weary,
they will walk and not grow faint.

for the Lord, He is good.

lift your eyes to the heavens,
for the Creator is living in you.
come surrender as you are,
know that you’ve never strayed too far;
let His power within you heal your heart.
and lift your eyes to spacious skies,
let Him chart your way of flight;
spread your wings and fly.

for the Lord, He is good.

2005-03-31T15:22:00.000-08:00

well, i wrote my dear friend the following e-mail today. i would have NEVER thought to post something so personal (and SILLY), but she said that she wished my message were posted to my blog because she found it entertaining. :) so here goes...oh, and see the end for part of my dream last night.

So hello from your friend with poor etiquette. :)
How are you on this beautiful day? (could the weather PLEASE be like this every day?—have I ever told you that my family and I always call days like today “Australia days?” b/c, for a lot of the year, this is exACTly how it is there!!) :)

i’m so sorry it rained on you guys last weekend! the weather was really pretty pleasant in kingwood—it was actually COLD on Sunday! Such a weird thing for that time of year there. I had such a wonderful time with my mom and dad and sarah (and doug!)—and then rachel came on Saturday, and it really was okay. (you know how she can be sometimes…) anyway, doug and I went to Galveston on Thursday, and we had such a great time! I took him, as a surprise, to a sea turtle conservatory/hatchery that I previously had never known existed! And it’s FREE to tour!! It’s the only place in the nation like it (that’s considered “federal”). It was really so neat, I just wish we could have touched the little (and HUGE!!) guys—but they would’ve probably chomped off a finger or arm, respectively! :) then we went and ate at Fuddruckers. (NOT free—but so good! and I know, funny that we didn’t go somewhere local or seafoody, but we just wanted good ole fuddy’s.) :) then we went and walked along the beach forEVER so doug could look for seashells. (SO CUTE about him—I love it.) :)

I cannot believe you just wrote me while I am writing you!!! :)

(OH, THE VACUUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!) :) :) :)

Doug will turn 26 on Wednesday, the 6th. :)
You are so very sweet to ask, sweet yennereenighney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
(kind of like a yippee oh kay ay?) :)
I hope the poor little guy gets well soon—he stayed home really sick today. :(
Have you and J and lori and others managed to avoid the illnesses that so many have had lately?
I’m truly grateful that I have.

Well…..I guess I should get to work and let YOU get back to work, too!! :)
But I just always love to go on and on and on…you’re so wonderful.

TWO THINGS:
Did you know sarah leaves for Norway in the morning?! :)
And that my dear Poppa started a NEW (“real!”) job today??!?!?!?!?! :) yes! thank You, Lord!! Full-time, with benefits, etc. Thank you EVER SO MUCH for your prayers…please pray that he’ll catch on quickly (it’s new stuff for him, even though it’s an engineering job), if you will?

I love and miss you!
I have a Christmas (!!!) present from sarah to give to you next time I see you!! :)
Love from rg babooskins. (have you ever heard rachel say that? booskins or babooskins? That’s cute, honey.) :)

yes, i usually do use that many smiley guys in my messages. i know--good grief.

okay, so here's my dream: i was IN american idol, but instead of ryan seacrest or whoever being "in charge" of the show, scott duvall was. no, i'm not kidding. (for those who don't know who he is, he's a great man who is currently dean of the school of christian studies here at obu and one of the pastors of the church we've just started attending.) i was SO LATE to the set for the show that was going on (while i was scrambling to get ready and get "there," wherever that was)...i made it at 9:45 p.m. (the show was over at 10:00) anyway, i don't think it would have mattered if i would've missed my chance to perform or not, because i did HORRIBLY. i got there and didn't know what i was supposed to sing or anything, and scott goes, "didn't you tell me you're going acoustic tonight?" and i said, "WHAT?!" and he said, "yeah, you said you were going to play [guitar] and sing 'more to this life.'" needless to say, it was a disaster. one more funny, weird thing about the dream was that one of the judges was jody evans (not simon, randy, and/or paula). the judges for the night were the "three shannons," so apparently jody's secret name was really, in fact, shannon. WHATEVER. so weird. (and in case you didn't click his name, jody is a finalist on the country-fied version of american idol, nashville star. so vote for him. he's this crazy-but very talented-guy i know from college.)

nick park is a genius

2005-03-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

i think it goes without saying that i LOVE wallace & gromit. (ex.-profile picture?!)

so when i received a message from aardman today entitled "wallace and gromit shape up for the big screen," i gasped loudly and almost (just almost) peed my pants!!

you must watch the trailer and explore this new site. (the old one is still wonderful, too.)
GO. NOW.

and try, oh dear friends, just try to wait patiently until October.

100 things about me: part i of iv

2005-03-17T10:56:00.003-08:00

1. I was born on Tuesday, August 9, 1977, in Little Rock, Arkansas, to the best parents in the entire world, Dennis Charles and Marilyn Elizabeth.

2. When I was about to be three years of age, my family [Dad, Mom (Michelle didn’t come), Kelly, me, and Sarah] moved to Australia. On the way, I had my 3rd birthday party in Hawaii.

3. I’m not sure how Boogey came to be, but throughout my childhood, I had an imaginary ENEMY, not friend, named Boogey. He was the scapegoat for everything that went wrong, which is normal, but I was afraid of him, too. That, I do not believe, is normal. Boogey supposedly was “left behind” when my family and I went on a certain trip somewhere…but then once when I was watching the tellie (back at home), I screamed out bloody murder—my mom came running to see what was wrong. I was standing in front of the t.v. screen, pointing at it. My mom said that I looked as white as a ghost as I screamed, “There’s Boogey!” (Gosh, this gives me chills even now.) Regardless, when we moved back to America almost six years later, Boogey was out of the picture. ha ha (pun intended—and I just thought of that!)

4. Our family was blessed in 1981 with the birth of my youngest sister, Rachel Susanna. As previously mentioned in #2, I was sandwiched between Kelly Elizabeth and Sarah Marie. Rachel was born two days short of being exactly four years younger than me; Sarah, on the other hand, is only 17 months younger. Kelly, born in ’68, is nine years older than me. My oldest sister, [Karen] Michelle was born in ’65. You may wonder what my parents were doing, but the reason for the gap between me and Kelly is because…

5. My parents were both married before they married each other. My dad and his first wife had Michelle, and my mom and her first husband (whose name, no kidding, is “Buff,” as in short for Buffalo) had Kelly. Then, they got married and had me, Sarah and Rachel. (So Michelle and Kelly are step-sisters, but “half” sisters to me, S and R.) The seven of us never really lived together at once, except for short periods of time in Australia when Michelle would come to visit/live.

6. Child evangelism is huge in Australia. So when I, as a SIX YEAR OLD CHILD, went to a two-week long camp by myself with a lady from my church who was helping with the camp, no one thought anything of it. (This, I do admit, is nothing compared to an incredible set of twins I know who woke themselves up every morning beginning at age FOUR and got ready—by themselves—for school, including packing their own lunches.) I have very clear pictures and memories in my head of those two weeks: I remember taking showers in a port-o-shower (like a port-o-potty), seeing a garden (still scary) snake in a tree right next to the place where some of the older girls slept—which was UNDER THE HOUSE, receiving probably the worst sunburn of my life and laying in agony on the top bunk inside the house, making the Geppetto and Pinocchio pillowcase (that I still have & use) and other crafts, crying tears of sadness and joy when my parents came to visit—the primary reason for their visit being to bring me my favourite thing (which I had accidentally left at home)—the homemade Strawberry Shortcake doll that Kellie had made me one year…I really could go on and on. To this day, I know the order of the books of the Bible because of the song I learned at that camp. And to this day, I desire and aim to follow the Lord Jesus because of my initial decision to do so on one special night during camp. I remember weeping, even as a young child, about my sin and the realization of my being separated from God because of it. I am grateful, for I do believe that…

7. God gave me a very tender heart. I am an extremely sensitive person, and although this is sometimes to my disadvantage (wearing my heart on the sleeves and such), often times I am able to deeply relate with others in their times of sorrow and pain.

8. Backing up a few years, right after we had moved to Australia, my great-grandmother Dear Dear died (in the United States). At the time, I had no way of knowing this, as I was only three years old and was sound asleep when my Uncle Doug called my parents in the middle of the night to tell them. The next day, my mom and I were looking at a photo album, and when I came upon a picture of Dear Dear (whom actually inadvertently terrified me), I said, “Dear Dear’s in heaven, isn’t she, mommy?” My parents and I are still baffled by this. Although I haven’t experienced too much of it in the past few years, there have been a good many handful of experiences where I knew something I “shouldn’t have,” or I knew that something was about to happen. Eerie. Strange. Wonderful.

9. Why was I afraid of my great-grandmother, you ask? Here is one I am embarrassed to admit, but I’ll just say it: I am afraid of Indians. Plain and simple. I can’t explain it. I thought perhaps my fear was just a silly childhood thing, but when I went to Montana with the youth group in high school, we saw “real” Indians dancing, etc., and I had to leave the presentation. I was SHAKING with fear.

10. My favourite number is 6. I remember playing in the street one day with my friend Fiona Cross (I love the name Fiona), and I decided right then that 6 was my favourite number—and it has been ever since. (And yes, I was six years old at the time.)

11. Along with her family, Tanya, my best friend in Australia, lived across the street from us. She has two younger brothers who were best friends with Sarah and Rachel; everything worked out perfectly, really, because Andrew and Sarah were the same age, and Leigh and Rachel were, too. We spent countless days together, sometimes pretending to be the Boxcar children, sometimes enjoying ice cream treats that we had gotten from Mr. Whippie (whose ice cream truck jingle was none other than Greensleeves)…I cherish my childhood spent in Western Australia, and my life is so much richer because of it. Tanya played a huge role in this, and although I haven’t been very good about it lately, she and I are still in touch through e-mail.

12. Once when I was playing at Martine Stewart’s house, I couldn’t make it to the toilet in time. In Australia, if you have an indoor toilet, it will be in a small room (with just the toilet) behind a closed door with very little floor space. Well, I peed all over that floor. I remember that Martine’s older sister had to help clean it up—how embarrassing. I won’t go into details, but apparently my bladder control problem wasn’t solely reserved for my childhood, either—just ask Jennie, Julie, Wendy or Sarah some time about my little episode with asking Sarah to “just pray” and then screaming something about a racehorse…I’m not saying another word about it.

13. I have loved boys all my life. The first victim was Marcus Lovegrove, and no, I am not kidding about the name. For my 8th birthday (my last one in Australia), my parents gave me a glorious party at the skating rink. (My birthday cake was a spider—yikes!) Among other friends in attendance was Marcus, and he gave me a Cabbage Patch purse/bag. Even though he thrust it towards me and said something like, “Here, my mum made me give this to you,” I ADORED that thing. I adored him. Several years ago, my family went to Australia for a visit, and I found out that Marcus had moved in next door to some family friends of ours. He had become a surfer.

14. I’ve always had a thing for numbers. I can usually remember numbers, nay most things, almost photographically. I don’t mean this to sound at all arrogant; after all, who decides that this type of thing is good? Sometimes, I believe the whole thing’s a curse and pretty related to this.

15. I remember being at the airport when we had to move back to America. My older sister Kelly (almost 17 years old) had just realized months earlier that she and her best friend, Todd, were really more than best friends. They were both crying their eyes out, and they yelled things to each other like, “Wait for me!” and “I’ll write you every day!” To my parents’ surprise, Todd came over a few years later (after we were living in Pennsylvania), married Kelly, and took her back to Australia. They had three beautiful children whom I love with all my heart and very much wish I had the chance to know. (I’ve only SEEN my dear nephews and niece a total of three times.) I truly believe Todd and Kelly’s story intensified my belief in love and the notion that “fairy tales really do come true.” Sadly, they separated and eventually divorced after being married for only 11 years.

16. Back to numbers, I remember being only one of seven Caucasian children in my (second) third grade class with Mrs. Ross in Little Rock, Arkansas. (Because children in Australia typically go to school at an earlier age and are therefore “ahead” of N. American children, I actually should have been put into the fourth grade when we moved back to the States. Because school was already in session and for other reasons I don’t even know, my sister and I had to repeat part of a grade we had already completed. I still somehow ended up being one of the youngest in my graduating class.) I had never been around any African Americans, but you better believe that I ate up every minute of play time (in and out of the classroom) with my new friends. Actually, up until that year, the only differently-coloured persons that I had ever encountered were Aborigines, and that was only when they came for an assembly at school. (There were not any in my neighborhood or school or anything—they were solely in the outback.) All this to say, different races have always fascinated me and/or greatly affected me in one way or another. (See #9)

17. I tend to focus on details and unnecessarily LENGTHEN things…good grief—just look at this “list.” It’s already turned into a novella. From now on, I’ll do my best to shorten this and not worry so much about the order of things.

18. Music infiltrates my every day and almost my every thought. If I could, I believe I would communicate to everyone and everything in song. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but music is really, really important to me. I’m grateful for ungraceful fingers with which to poke out tunes on a piano or to clumsily strum my guitar. I am so thankful for ears to hear and a voice to sing, which leads me to say that…

19. Singing is my favourite thing to do.

20. I cannot believe I’m sharing this—it’s quite personal—but I was an extremely “early bloomer.” The red dot (yes, that’s what I call it) came for me at AGE NINE. I was the tallest person in my fourth grade class, but now I am just plain average (if not short), measuring in at only 5’ 4 ¼”. I will never forget that on the eve of that dreaded day so long ago, as my family and I were finishing dinner, my sisters said, “Rebekah, go swimming with us! Come on, come on!” (We lived next door to the neighborhood pool.) Before I could answer, my dear Dad—who was usually so sensitive—said to my sisters (5 and 7 years old), “Girls, Rebekah can’t go swimming with you tonight; she became a woman today.” NO, I’M NOT KIDDING.

21. I love to do voices. When my sisters and I were growing up, we would, like most children, play with our stuffed animals who had names and voices. Sarah had a cute little critter named “Tidlings,” Rachel went through different stuffed animals like “Piggy Fluff” and tons of assorted lambs, I had “Floppy” among others…but then there was always “Chunker.” We did voices for our stuffed animals and played games and such, but, you see, there was never a stuffed animal for Chunker. There was just the voice. (That I created and would do.) I realize how strange this sounds, and that’s because it is strange. But allow me to continue…I did the Chunker voice well, really throughout high school, even. (But only around family and very close friends—just for fun! No, I don’t have multiple personality disorder.) Then, one destined day in college, I accidentally let the Chunker voice “slip” to Jennie and Julie. There was no turning back. Julie was really intrigued by the voice, and one day she excitedly approached me and said, “Chunker isn’t a stuffed animal at all! Chunker is a little boy. He has a bowl haircut and always has a million things in his pocket and a messy face.” Anyway, she continued to describe what “Chunker” looks like, and so thus Chunker was (re-)born. Here’s the best way I know how to describe Chunker’s voice and who he is: take 1 cup of a cute messy boy (about 5 or 6 years old), add two heaping tablespoons of Shirley Temple, swirl in the inability to sound sad, add an endless desire for snicker doodles, his mother, and ice cream, and mix until you’re so happy you feel you’ll burst. That’s Chunker. (No, I really don’t have multiple personality disorder!!) I kind of hope that someday Chunker will be a cartoon, and I can do the voice.

22. The other voice I love to do is that of Marimelle. Once upon a time there were two crazy girls named Bonnie and Susan who lived in the dorm room next to me and my sister. Bonnie and her sister Holly had, for years, periodically spoken to each other in almost scary sounding voices—they carried on conversations emulating the voices of older women who had smoked their entire lives. The voices, of course, were accompanied by fully developed characters with pasts and mouths that would shame Billy the Kid. Needless to say, after we heard Bonnie teaching Susan the tricks of the trade and they started being “Bea” and “Hank’s ex-wife,” Sarah and I were right behind them. Marimelle and Marlene were inseparable; one night we made ourselves hoarse for talking well into the wee hours of the morning. Just in case you need to know, you can achieve this type of voice by sucking in air as you talk and pretty much talking out of your throat. (No doubt it’s murder on the vocal chords, so I try not to indulge too often.)

23. When I need my back scratched in really hard to reach places (and if my dear husband is not around), I use scissors to relieve the itch. I just make sure to keep them closed so as not to cut an accidental hole in my shirt or anything. Is this weird? Does anyone else do this?

24. I love giraffes.

25. Chocolate means a lot to me. Have you ever read The Chocolate Touch by Patricia Catling? Although what little John Midas received was actually a curse, sometimes I wish I could have the chocolate touch. (I would ask that the people I touch, though, not turn into chocolate. That’s just a little horrible.)

the building janitor

2005-03-10T13:23:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: some of you might be really sad about me after reading this, and for that, i am sorry.

the vacuuming.
EVERY DAY, the vacuuming.
seriously, does the carpet out in the hallway really get THAT dirty on a daily basis?!?!
i simply don’t understand.
and the DUSTING. I don’t get it. around my doorframe and hallway window with that purple (of course it’s purple) dustbrush—pausing as though he just wants me to look up and say hi. and why don’t i? why am i so lacking in grace and kindness and LOVE? why won’t i exhibit more patience?

one might say he’s just doing his job.
one might not have such a black heart as i do and be thankful for him and be his friend.

every year around christmas, everyone in the building is asked to contribute $ to give to him as a present. i’m sorry, but is there really any way that he gets paid less than me?
(i can’t believe i’m writing this, but 14K. you read right—and yes, i do believe that’s poverty level.) i’m so mean, but why a christmas “bonus” for him? he is nice. he really is nice.

i don’t know how i’ve grown so bitter and ungrateful and irritable in my old age. :(
shame on me. shame.

i’m thankful for Christ’s mercy.

2005-03-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

in two months and three days, we will celebrate three married years. (not that i'm counting or anything.) :)

unprofessional

2005-02-28T13:12:00.000-08:00

today has been one of the worst days at work I have ever had. nothing overloading or difficult, really, but a “run-in” with a co-worker this morning set the mood, and I guess I just still haven’t recovered. working where I do, I have (almost) never had anything like this happen. I’m going to be careful of what I say, for I know there have been others who have lost jobs over blogging about them. anyway, the bottom line is that I was talked down to by another person in a neighboring department. big deal, some of you might be saying. yeah, I really have been sheltered. I am sure what I experienced today is NOTHING compared to what most deal with on a daily basis. when I was in the food industry, for instance, I overheard other servers screaming profanities back and forth with managers at least once a week. I even had a terrible time or two with a few of the not-so-nice managers. but back to this morning—when this other employee said what he/she said (and mostly in the WAY that he/she said it), I was in such shock that I gut-reacted immediately…maybe not the smartest thing to do, but in retrospect, I think I am glad that I did. I kind of feel like kathleen kelly when she finally socked it to joe fox. (except that I don’t have an ongoing feud with this co-worker--at least, i hope not!!!)

my dear boss just popped his head in for the first time today, and somehow I found myself blubbering the whole story to him. I REALLY felt like a second-grader tattling to the teacher, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER now. my favourite part was that he eloquently and professionally stated that this worker has been known to react that way in the past. (in other words, he knows about it!) I do not understand politics in the workplace, especially THIS workplace, but, for the time being, I suppose I am okay with not knowing.

p.s. does ANYONE know why my blog says i have only written 7 posts? i've followed the instructions in the help section, but alas, nothing has changed.

p.p.s. WHY oh why do we only have SEVEN font choices?!?! (eight, including webdings?)

2005-02-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Suzanne, for this fun new game. :)
I love it!
Who will join me?...

The Official rules of the Interview-Game
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions
6. I will answer reasonable follow up questions if you leave a comment.

1. Do you remember the first time you really felt loved by God? How old were you? What makes you feel His love now?

I can say with all my heart that, as a child, I continuously felt His love through the love of my parents. Also, even though I was only six years old, I clearly remember the night that I initially decided to follow the Lord.
As a teenager and young adult, I suppose His love became much more real to me. I continue to try and allow Him to know me more fully, and He in turn reveals Himself and His love to me through His Spirit, His Word, and His own. I suppose my most “emotional” moments of knowing God’s love have been married with music. My husband, also, plays an incredible role in my feeling the love of Almighty God.

2. If you could recast any movie and insert John Cusack for the main character, which would it be and why?

How did you know that John Cusack is my all-time favourite? How? This is a GREAT question. I have thought about this quite a bit, and first, let me say that my favourite role of his simply has to be as Lloyd Dobbler. I know many would answer the same, and I have to be okay with that. (I love him more! j/k) Anyway, I suppose I’m really cheating you by not really answering the question (exactly), but I will have to say that there needed to be a sequel to Say Anything, and he, of course, would be in it. Every time I watch that wonderful movie, I LONG to see the future of Lloyd and Diane. I am sure there are many good reasons why a sequel was never explored and made, but I can’t think of any.
Sorry to not really answer the question—I seriously cannot think of a good enough answer. There are only certain created roles that have been good enough for him to have played, you know? My second favourite is probably as Rob Gordon in High Fidelity, but I even loved him in Runaway Jury as Nick Easter and he was something else as Ed in Identity.

3. If your waitress offers you a straw, do you take it? Why or why not?

Are you kidding? I have never understood non-straw drinkers. My husband is one of them. To his credit, though, after being a waitress, I know that men VERY rarely request/take a straw. Little boys are another story, but men—hardly a straw doth touch their lips. Why do I take a straw? I am afraid I am failing you once again by really not answering the question, but I cannot imagine NOT taking a straw. I just love it.

4. What is the single most important thing you learned at Ouachita? (or are learning?) Why?

This is too, too tough. Wow. I think I’ll have to keep it simple and just say that I came to (and am coming to) understand that people will disappoint you. I have to say though, that overall, I loved my time at Ouachita as a student.

5. What is the biggest fine you've ever paid at one time? What had you checked out or rented? Was it worth it?

I had to think about this for a long time, because I have never had a ticket or accidentally kept a book for eight years or anything crazy like that. Then I remembered…ah, the dreaded SIXTY something dollar fine at the video store (which has since burned down) for the game that Doug had rented and played, bless his heart. He felt really badly about that, but OH WELL. And no, of course it wasn’t worth it—I don’t remember what the game was (Army Men?!?!), and I never played it even once. But I still love him dearly!! :)

2005-02-24T10:54:00.000-08:00

Recently, we were really blessed by some dear friends. Below are some words and prayers for blessings we returned to them. (I've edited it a bit, removing their names.)

Blessed are you, for you fear the LORD; you walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. You, the wife, will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. You, the husband, are blessed, for you fear the LORD (Psalm 128.1-4).

Thank You, Father, that our friends have the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus. We give You thanks that their tongues confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of You, Father (Philippians 2.5-10).

Lord, we thank You for our friends, and that they have let their gentleness be evident to all. We pray that they would be encouraged because You are near, and that they would continue to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present their requests to You. Thank You, God, for Your peace that transcends all understanding; may it continue to guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4.4-7).

We ask You, God, to fill our friends with the knowledge of Your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. We pray this in order that they may continue to live their lives worthy of You, Lord, and that they may please You in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in Your knowledge, God, and being strengthened with all power according to Your glorious might so that they may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully give thanks to You, Father, who has qualified them to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For You have rescued them from the dominion of darkness and brought them into the kingdom of the Son You love, in whom they have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1.9-14).

Because Your love, Lord, is better than life, may their lips glorify you. May they praise You as long as they live, and in Your name may they lift up their hands. May their souls be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips may their mouths praise You (Psalm 63.3-5).

We thank You, God, every time we remember our dear friends (Philippians 1.3).

We always thank God for you, dear friends, and mention you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 1.2-3).

goodbye to 1021 Hickory.

2005-02-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

the time has come
to say goodbye
to my home of three years--
to the basement we fly.

most all our belongings
to storage have gone-
and i am left in a house
that looks nothing like it once did
and i am left with my life
being chopped into bits—
or so it seems, only right now,
i know i won’t always feel this way
but how hard life has seemed
and i long for the day
to breathe deeply and laugh freely
to love Only as i once did

perhaps out in the country
perhaps with fewer things
yes, maybe soon life
will not seem so doomed

for He called me to life
and to live abundantly
that is why He came and
why He stayed on that tree
but then refused death
and in victory rose
and bids me to join Him
in life ever after
that starts right now, here,
even in this curséd weekend
even in this very breath

“Day and night they never stop saying:
‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,
Who Was, and Is, and Is To Come.’”
revelation 4.8b

I QUIT THE CRACK.

2005-01-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

so there.

crackin' it

2005-01-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

i think it’s high time that i write about my one-night-a-week job (and sometimes more) at the crack. what to say? where to start?
-----------------------------------------------------------
well, i started this post almost two months ago—i haven’t been into work at the cb since november 30th or so—and just today (today!) a manager called and asked what my intentions are. i’m not sure what to do.

i have thought a lot about just quitting. after all, it’s only one night a week, roughly only 120 bones a month, and, after not being on the schedule for six weeks in a row, now seemed like a good time to end it. i even typed a letter of resignation and had it sealed, ready to deliver the next time i was there.

but then doug and i went to eat there a couple nights ago, and the thought of quitting did not settle very well. the next day i tore up the letter. yes working there is physically (and emotionally) draining, yes i abhor the uniform and getting covered in eight different salad dressings and coffee spills and smelling like a kitchen, yes the kids i work with care about nothing except satisfying themselves with sex and alcohol and crappy music, but there’s something about the crack. there’s just something about it. i think there has to be some kind of subliminal brainwashing that occurs during training that makes you never want to leave but also simultaneously hate the place. i mean seriously, after serving there and being gone for almost two years and then going BACK to work there again?! like a dog to its own vomit.

i do like working hard. (more than $2.14 an hour might help me like it more, but you know.) i like rushing and having to multi-task. i like the camaraderie shared among co-workers—the do or die mentality of helping one another. i even like putting on my country fresh face (and accent?!) and schmoozing with the customers—oh, excuse me—guests. i do like people—i really do, but i think part of why the job is so appealing to me is because once my black-shoed feet hit “the floor,” i am an actress. their needs are all that matters to me, and even though i may be pulling a fourteen hour day, i am all smiles and don’t have a care in the world except if they want white or brown gravy on their mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak.

i’m just not sure what to do.
my problem lately has been just sheer laziness.
maybe i’ll try to cure myself by going in tonight.
(but i doubt it.)

suggestions? comments?

by the way, here’s a list of the number codes for the cb vegetables, just in case you want to impress your server the next time you order (and i swear to you that if you ever work there, these will NEVER leave your brain—well, unless you have alzheimer’s):

1=corn
2=green beans
3=carrots
4=okra
5=turnip greens
6=coleslaw
7=pinto beans
8=mashed potatoes
8b=8 with brown gravy
8w=8 with country gravy
9=fried apples
0=dumplings

2005-01-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

ode to my sister on the first day of her twenty-seventh year

her name means princess,
and her name fits her well;
she is so beautiful,
so regal, and one can tell
that she loves the Lord
with all her heart
her mind, her soul,
her strength
doth start to wane
and on His Name she calls
when she is weak
she allows herself to fall
into the arms of her Lover
her Husband, her King
her name forever will ring
in the hearts of those who love her
in the minds of those who know her
in the spirits of those who have felt her
love

worst lunch break of my life

2005-01-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

so today doug and i chased that squirt of a pooch cosmo for 45 MINUTES around our part of arkadelphia. (we are doggy-sitting for our dear friends matt and kim while they attend kim's aunt's funeral.)

the chase was literally like a nightmare. running but never catching, crying one-pound tears of desperation because the situation was completely out of our control...i mean we ran through SONIC (more than once) with customers and employees both trying to help, doug chased him across the HIGHWAY and pine street (during the BUSY LUNCH HOUR) and then back again...however, the bottom lines are that 1) he is safe and sound inside of our house and 2) we are so grateful that he MIRACULOUSLY escaped unharmed.

doug wasn’t so lucky, though, bless his heart. i bore witness to one of the few times he took a dive for the pup as though he were going for home base and trying to win the world series. wow. (but to no avail.) he is bruised and scraped up pretty badly.

thanks be to God for our loyal and obedient anabelle—if she wouldn’t have been around, and if cosmo wasn’t a cute little rascal who likes to follow anabelle (right into our BACKYARD, praise Be), i don’t think we would have ever had cosmo in our possession again. and then i believe a LOT of time would have to pass before matt and kim would come anywhere close to calling us friends again. the end.

favourite Christmas card received this year (I think)

2005-01-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Rebekah,

Thank you for all your help. Working with you is absolutely a delight. Best wishes in all things and merry Christmas.

Warmly,
Randall

classic.
i really don't think i've done much to help (???) dr. randall wight, but i took the compliments with chills.

doug's parents gave us an awesome printer/scanner/copier for Christmas, so i'll scan in a picture of the card later. (santa is on a surfboard, and there are japanese characters on the card.)

more later. i'm loving all the latest posts from everyone.

hurray!

2004-12-22T12:54:00.000-08:00

due to the accumulating ice and soon-to-be snow (?), OBU has just closed their offices until January 3rd! :) i'm thrilled to have the rest of today off--not to mention tomorrow!!! :) hopefully we'll be able to leave for kingwood with no problems tomorrow...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
may our precious Lord richly bless you and your families as you celebrate His incarnation.

B.Y.O.S.

2004-12-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

last night we slept in the basement for the first time. (we’re house-sitting.)
minus my bad sleep due to thinking i was swallowing spiders all night (thanks, cade), the experience wasn’t all that bad, really. (seriously, i’m not kidding—because of the curse of cade [j/k, crs] and the huge spider i saw on the pillow when i was changing the sheets, i was afraid spiders were crawling into my mouth all night long. at one point i even woke up and said, okay, just close your mouth—but then i was afraid they were crawling into my nose. i know—PSYCHO.)

even though the malcolms didn’t say “B.Y.O.S.,” we did in fact bring our own sheets, and i’m so glad we did. (i believe cats and spiders had been sleeping in the ones on the bed for some time.) the king-sized was a dream, as we usually toss and turn on our full at home. and a new set of freshly downy-washed flannel sheets to boot. (thinkin of you, jem, as none other than hb himself is a few feet away in the next office.)

i really think we WILL enjoy our time down in the basement. the scary part is just getting there. (i.e. operation move and mega-store) more on o.m.m. later.

on a side note, in four mornings, we will wake up to Christmas. it’s my favourite holiday of the year, by far, and i can hardly wait for its coming!

Movin' On Up To The East Side

2004-12-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

actually, it would be more like "movin' on DOWN to the southwest side."

we’re moving into a basement.

we’re moving out of our lovely, warm three-bedroom home with a fenced-in backyard (complete with a plum tree) and into the less-than-private, concrete-floored, exposed-ceiling basement of a sweet, older couple that doug works with and knows.

i am humbled and amazed at God’s provision, but sad. and overwhelmed. and sad. i love my home. even though we rent, it’s been HOME for me for the past three years—the past 2 ½ years for doug and me together. i know, i know—some people have lived in their homes for decades and are forced to move. that’s sad, too—really, it is. but i haven’t ever experienced that, so i can only relay the feelings i’m having about this situation right now. and they’re definitely not the greatest feelings i’ve ever had. yes, i realize how incredibly ungrateful and selfish and western i sound. (as well as sounding like a whining toddler.) i know that this basement we’re moving into would be a palace for millions whom have never known a warm home. plus, although i don’t sound thankful, i am, and i can’t get over the generosity of these two that i literally do not even know; they’re offering their home (kitchen and laundry room use, too) for practically nothing in return for i suppose as long as we need to stay (two years). how can i complain about anything? (i suppose because i’m too damn selfish and self-centered and western.)

i’m kind of proud of myself for this post (if i actually go through with publishing it)—i attempted to write transparently, not to try to sugar-coat everything or try to make every word perfect and pretend i’m anywhere close to being as good a writer as some of my peers. i can’t compete. (i do want to be transparent. i sincerely just wish i were “comfortable in my own skin,” as the saying goes, but i suppose i’m just not. i always worry what other people will think—why do i care so much? perhaps some of it goes back to my childhood and the horrible names i was called like mac truck or, the worst, medusa. but that’s for another post.)

anyway

the other day i was really encouraged by my dear friend with these words, “i know how sad you really are (even though you tried to make the message sound positive), but i really do think this is an answer to prayer. it is so great that you will be able to just ‘help with the utilities’ and save everything else! your day to make another home will come...just not right now.” and then again this morning by her older sister, “I’ve been meaning to congratulate you on your decision and opportunity to move in with some friends. I know it’s tough to leave behind your first home with Doug, but that’s such an exciting opportunity to have to pay off some debt and save for the future. That’s such a mature decision and you’ve gotta be proud of making that one. Besides, it might be really fun.”

thanks, God.
thanks, Malcolms.
thanks, McClains.

p.s. speaking of sugar-coating, here's a recipe for some incredible treats:

SUGAR NUTS
4 ½ c. nuts
2 c. sugar
1 c. water
½ t. cinnamon
Combine all the ingredients in a Teflon skillet and cook on medium heat. Stir occasionally. The more the mixture thickens, the more you need to stir. Cook until the sugar crystallizes on the nuts and pour out on wax paper to cool. These can be stored in an air tight container for a couple of weeks it you need to. (They probably won't last that long because they're SO GOOD.) You can use pecans or almonds...or both?

Thanks, Betty Crocker!

2004-12-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

Easy Brownie Torte

(I made this for our office Christmas party tonight!)

Double your chocolate pleasure with two layers of brownies frosted and topped with candies.

1 package Betty Crocker® chocolate chunk or triple chocolate chunk brownie mix
Water, oil and eggs called for on brownie mix package
1 tub Betty Crocker® Pour & Frost™ chocolate frosting
1/2 cup coarsely chopped chocolate-covered peanut butter cup candies

1. Heat oven to 350ºF. Line 13x9-inch pan with foil so foil extends about 2 inches over sides of pan. Spray foil with cooking spray.
2. Make brownies as directed on package for 13x9-inch pan. Cool completely, about 1 1/2 hours. Remove from pan by lifting foil; peel foil away. Cut brownie in half lengthwise; place one half on serving plate.
3. Microwave frosting as directed on tub; pour half of frosting over half of brownie on plate. Place other half of brownie on top; pour remaining frosting on top. Sprinkle with candies. Refrigerate 30 minutes to set. Store loosely covered.

High Altitude (3500-6500 ft)Follow High Altitude package directions.

1 Serving: Calories 730(Calories from Fat 330); Total Fat 37g (Saturated Fat 12g; Trans Fat 4g); Cholesterol 55mg; Sodium 400mg; Total Carbohydrate 95g (Dietary Fiber 4g; Sugars 72g); Protein 5g% Daily Value: Vitamin A 0%; Vitamin C 0%; Calcium 6%; Iron 25%Diet Exchanges: 1 1/2 Starch; 0 Lean Meat; 0 Very Lean Meat; 0 Medium-Fat Meat; 0 High-Fat Meat; 0 Vegetable; 0 Fruit; 7 FatCarbohydrate Choices: Carbohydrate Choice 6

my oldest sister

2004-12-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

i just spent almost a full hour pouring my heart out and then clicked "publish post" and lost EVERYTHING. suppose none of what i said should go out into cyberspace. at least not today. this has happened to me in the past; WHY did i not think to write everything first in Word, as i usually do?!?!? :(

anyway, here is a picture of my oldest sister, Michelle Wilson. the little tyke is her first cousin, believe it or not--Michelle is older than one of her aunts!

Thoughts on Kill Bill and Beatrix Kiddo

2004-11-30T14:35:00.000-08:00

when cade came to visit me and doug a couple of weeks ago, i seriously think he watched each volume of kill bill about three times, MINIMUM. after viewing them again and again with him, i understand why. as cade has said, kill bill is a story not only of revenge, but one that proudly and honestly displays the strength and beauty of the human spirit.

the character of Beatrix Kiddo has greatly impacted me; to what degree, i am still not quite sure. she represents all that we as humans have the potential to be. if seeing her in action doesn’t inspire you to be more, then i don’t know what will. yes, the movie is violent. yes, there is language and “inappropriate dialogue.” look past all that. as cade said (in so many words), this flick goes far beyond the disturbing elements such as “squishing eyeballs and cutting off limbs.”

of the scene in kill bill, volume 2, that cade and i are so enthralled by, i have composed a descriptive list (primarily for you, kahday):

Induced sleep,
Stripped of (almost) all resources,
Weary and lacking strength;

Submission to “defeat,”
Disbelief,
Hyperventilation,
Despair,
(but not utter despair);

Memory of Lessons Taught and Learned,
then Resolve,
then Action,
Endurance and Perseverance,
even Humility,
Faith,
Determination,
Patience,
Strength Renewed,
and,
ultimately, Victory.

and Freedom.

I don’t think my feelings could be summed up any better than what cade has already said: “i just want to punch my way out of this grave i feel like i'm in. and if i can't do it then i'll watch beatrix do it and get a few chills.”

SAUSAGE BALLS and Beatrix Kiddo

2004-11-19T06:17:00.000-08:00

The other day, I stumbled across Proverbs 9.13-18:

13 The woman Folly is loud;
she is undisciplined and without knowledge.
14 She sits at the door of her house,
on a seat at the highest point of the city,
15 calling out to those who pass by,
who go straight on their way.
16 "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment.
17 "Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!"
18 But little do they know that the dead are there,
that her guests are in the depths of the grave. [1]

I’m sure you can tell which phrase really jumped out at me. Now, maybe this is referring to eating food that had been offered to idols, I don’t know, but I’m (wrongfully?) going to take the phrase at face value. This phrase coming from the mouth of Folly is a perfect depiction for me of the temptation to eat (“wrong” foods and too much of them) in “secret.” I’ve been yielding to that temptation for years, and yesterday was no exception. Those darn sausage balls in the office kitchen—they were just too good NOT to eat. (Not to mention the mini chocolate éclairs!)

Why can’t I say no to Folly? How can I, at this phase in my life, still “lack [SO MUCH] judgment” (v. 16) and continue to veer from going “straight on [my] way”? (vv. 15-16) I definitely don’t need to eat that one last ball; what compels me so?

What an embarrassing state I have put myself in, and though I know there is hope for me to break free (like Beatrix Kiddo coming out of Paula Shultz’s grave), it’s hard to remember and believe sometimes. Here’s to a healthier diet and SOME form of regular exercise, beginning very soon… (and more about Kiddo later)

BFF

2004-11-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

once upon a time i met a girl who turned out to be my bff. there were a few who came before her that i thought were surely going to fill the role, but none other has held a candle to her.

we have in our house what i call "our attic." it's really not an attic at all; rather it is a very large and deep closet (in our bathroom, of all places) that i'm convinced was once used for some type of extremely strange purpose(s). if you were to peer into our attic and look upon the old-fashioned pencil sharpener attached to the wall, i am convinced you would agree. a punishment room for the bad pupil, perhaps?

yesterday i took out of our scary attic a big cardboard box crammed and stuffed with old letters and cards and picture frames. i'm ashamed to say that until last night, this box had not been touched for close to three years. upon finding the goodies inside, i was overjoyed! why had i not looked and sorted through these gems earlier? in making my piles of "keep" or "trash," i came upon card after card after card from my bff. i felt like i was receiving and reading each card for the first time, and each word was gold. each smiley face was a heart-melter. each precious "love from" or "i love you" was a diamond-shaped, left-eyed tear. how can there be such an amazing person as this, Lord? how could someone so incredible love me so incredibly much? she has shown me not only phileo love, but truly agape love, as well, and anyone who has been blessed with her presence in his or her life would testify the same.

i'll never forget an e-mail message i received from my dear mother about my bff, which was probably sent in 1996 or so: she was describing this beautiful person, and began by saying how kind, gentle, joyful, and good she is...but then completed her thought by exclaiming something similar to "well, i suppose she simply embodies the fruit of the Spirit, doesn't she?"

and yes, she does, mother.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." galatians 5.22-23

These Are A Few of My Favourite Things, part 2

2004-11-15T11:54:00.000-08:00

how could this list even begin to continue without first naming Australia? beloved country where i spent close to six years of my childhood, birthplace of my youngest sister, home to one of my older sisters and her three precious children, magical place where i long to return...i love you, Australia!
in the true essence of the word "things," i love lotions,
pens,
candles,
movies,
flannel pants,
and, as my first entry suggested, chocolate.

as self-centered as this whole favourites list is, i've decided that whenever i think of more of my favourite things, i will randomly and periodically continue adding to this (self-centered) list. this is, after all, bloggin beeker's blog, so i suppose i can use it however i wish. :)

Of worth and fitting in

2004-11-09T15:01:00.000-08:00

For those who know me, this will come as absolutely no surprise to you, but I deeply struggle with feeling like I am of worth and with the reality that I simply do not “fit in.” How old am I? These sound like the words of a pre-adolescent. Unfortunately, yes, I am 27 and am still dwelling on myself. I think of Hebrews 5.12 and know that I should be past all this, but yet I am not. (“In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!”)

Ah, sigh.

What can lug me out of my selfishness? A ministry I can dive head-first into? (Tegucigalpa, anyone?) Not dwelling on my desire for academia? Focusing on my spouse and thinking of his needs rather than my own? Yes, perhaps these and more, but I think all I really need to do is simply rely on my heavenly Father’s view of me. I need to listen to what He says about me (and speaking of listening, read this amazing bit) and more than that, focus on
Who
He
Is.

Ego ami (sorry, no greek characters)—“I Am.” Just dwelling on those words makes me think of this incredible song with such poignant words...

I AM
by Lori Chaffer

I am more than you think
I am more than you know
I’m as black as the darkest night
And whiter than snow
You’re tipping through wires and words
And spires and tombstones

I have burned with desire
Felt the air become fire
Buried Myself with stones
Given lions my bones
And I love you whether or not you believe Me

I’m as swift as an arrow
But I’m slow when you stray
I’m as calm as the waters
That we walked on that day
And I love whether or not you believe Me

If you ask Me again
My reply still will stand
I am who I am
And I love whether or not you believe Me

These Are A Few of My Favourite Things, part 1

2004-11-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

Aunt Sally's triple-chocolate pralines, recently discovered in New Orleans, Louisiana, and a soon-to-be favourite gift to others. (Well, okay--and to myself!)
As shown in the list of links to the right, Real Simple magazine...it brings me joy, comfort and inspiration each month without fail. Funny how pieces of paper and what's written on them could do this, but they do.
World Gospel Outreach , another link to the right, is an organization that i was introduced to in 2000. Through Fellowship Bible Church (another one of my favourite "things"), I was able to participate in a short medical mission trip to Tegucigalpa, Honduras, and my life was forever changed. Sometimes i picture myself going there again (this time with Doug, of course)...
Speaking of churches, i can't do a favourites list and not include my "home" church where my dear parents are still faithfully involved: Kingwood First Baptist Church. (My favourite line on their homepage right now: "No Scary Costumes.")

humility and my new model

2004-10-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

even though i've wanted to write, i've waited for several days because i kind of backed myself into a corner with my last post; i have been pridefully feeling that if i were to write about anything other than what i deemed most important, i would be presenting myself as the huge hypocrite that i am...thanks to Grace and my dear friend Kevin, i'm able to emerge again, discussing things of the here and now, while "we still occupy this little spot." (I regained perspective because of my loving friend's words here while being uplifted and encouraged.)

over the past nine or so years, i have witnessed the wonder of a woman whom i have, of late, really grown to admire. i have decided that this person, in addition to my incredible Mother, is one whom i hope to be like when i grow up. she is full of knowledge and wisdom, rich in character and, without question, has wheelbarrows full of personality...she feels deeply, thinks critically, and speaks intelligently. her expressions are matchless, her voice is unique and instantly recognizable, and her presence is sparkling and inspiring. truly, she is one of the most inspirational persons i have ever known. her reputation, as she fulfills her worthy occupation of english professor, goes far before her. i only wish i could have had the opportunity to be under her tutelage when i was a student. she may be known as Mary Poppins on Speed to others, but i will be thinking of her as my new model. (i guess i'm her secret admirer.)

Children of God, Fiery Tongues, and Hell

2004-10-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

when i hear the opposite of what's true being stated as truth, i have a hard time remaining silent. so for almost the past week, my insides have been coming to a slow, rumbling boil...call me narrow-minded, call me a fundamentalist conservative, you can even chalk it up to a game of semantics, but we are NOT all God's children. i wish it were so, but we're not. i don't doubt that most who are reading will agree with me on this one, but if you need (biblical) references, please see john 1, romans 8-9, and the entire letter of first john.

if we were all God's children, that would mean there is no hell. and the harsh, horrible reality is that there is one. (again, i realize that most of you agree.) i write with tears that several people i love will "live" forever in hell unless they choose Jesus before their earthly lives end.

and isn't this what we should be caring about? isn't this what our focus should be and were our passions should lie? not in passing circumstances or who the next president will be. [as somewhat of a large side note, let us put behind us all these thoughtless insults about both candidates: our tongues have become like wildfires. truly "the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell" (james 3.6). yes, we should allow others to have their own opinions and express them, but especially during this time, we should be all the more obedient to God's command as expressed in paul's command to timothy in the second chapter (of the first letter): "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness." when we resort to threatening that friendships will end over opinions or even over mistakes, i believe that either 1) we may not be exercising godly wisdom, exerting mercy and offering forgiveness (like the unmerciful man in matthew 18 who does not forgive his debtor, i have often been guilty of this) OR 2) perhaps there was never a friendship worth losing. i believe with all my heart, in the particular instance i am pondering, that the latter is not true. is this what we want the world to see? i carefully say that i do not believe we are doing a very good job of letting "all men...know that [we] are [His] disciples," because the way that we show them is by loving one another, as Jesus said in john 13.35. brothers and sisters, let us love one another!]

can we, at least momentarily, forget blog drama and other temporary matters? instead, our thoughts and efforts rightfully belong to our loved ones who are one day closer to spending forever separated from God. when we hear accurate descriptions of hell (essentially the absence of God and all that He is), how can we not weep over our loved ones, nay, our loved ones and ALL living persons who have rejected the Son of God?

Jesus described hell in this way: as being "thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth" (matthew 8.12). if i had one, i would not wish this on my worst enemy.

PEACE, my friends.